Not sure where to stand

[Sparkls]

One of the problems in our relationship is that I've been overly controlling. I'm trying to balance all the advice here to basically put on my big girl panties and set boundaries without coming across as controlling. My solution to this is probably not the right thing to do. I made him to move out (put all of his stuff on the porch) cause I needed him to not be there right now to focus on my own healing but I have done nothing else about trying to get him to stop is wayward activities.
How do I find this balance? Doing what's right by myself and setting boundaries but also not coming across as though I'm trying to control him. (I think part of the reason for this affair is his need to rebel against me cause I told him I thought this girl was a bad idea)