This is just my opinion based on the differences I have observed in a WW and the wife who walks away without a wayward heart. A wayward wife has bitterness, resentment, vindictiveness, coldness and a goulash of other negative issues against her LBH. She usually shows some type of rebellion against the MR and her H.
Then there is the woman who has given up on the M and her H. She has lost all encouragement and hope. Some women leave out of very serious issues, such as abuse, imprisonment, abandonment, etc. Some WAW'S have a hurt heart. They are sad, disappointed, feel devalued, etc. There may be resentment there, but I don't think it is the same as the wayward wife. The wayward leans more toward hatefulness, meanness, and just cold as ice. She isn't hurt......she's mad! And the main things are that a wayward wife is motivated by pure selfishness. Whereas a walk away wife may be just trying to escape/survive her situation. The wayward wife is manipulative, whereas the walk away wife is not focused on manipulating her LBH. The wayward wife is rebellious. To me, that is a key difference.
I remember when Coach and Greek were on the board. I can't remember all her reasons for walking away from the M, except that Coach spent every spare minute focused on his team and Greek felt very lonely and neglected. Coach made changes and Greek went back home. She started posting on the board to encourage others. I never detected any wayward signs in Greek. So, that is an example of a walk away where there were no issues of abuse or severity of that nature. She was fed up and felt she didn't have a H, and that his team was his priority. The only form of rebellion was just leaving the M. She wasn't in any type of A, she wasn't acting like a wild teenager, or any of the typical behaviors of a wayward. As I remember, Coach (who could be called a man's man) used a certain amount of tough love, by not begging, being a doormat, etc. He did not have to go to the lengths a man with a WW usually has to take, and Greek went home pretty soon.
Depending on the reason the wife has walked away. If the H has hurt her, then he can sincerely apologize to her, then give her space and start making drastic changes in himself. She will have to see for herself that those changes are not just him trying to con her and that they are authentic. This is a situation where he could slowly try to ease into a friendship with her. The only time I balk against the friend route is when the wife is wayward. Of course, I still caution the H to go slowly with his WAW and don't become her gay boyfriend. He wants her to be attracted and sexually drawn to him. If she has a hurt heart, then he has to prove to her that she can trust him with her heart again. He has to ease slowly into a romantic pursuit, or she will take off running. Every situation is a little different, so this is a wide span of advice, instead of narrowed down to individuals.
One more word of caution. Just b/c there have been no evidence of an A/OM, does not mean her heart is not wayward. Her attitude usually gives her away. Is she hurt, or is the deep ugliness within her rearing it's head? Does she lash out at you? Is everything about her? Does she act like a completely different woman from the one you married? If she appears to be a devil dressed in your W's body, there is very probability that she is wayward.
Have I answered your question, or did I talk around it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
