You and I are definitely having a similar sitch. Thank you for sharing the quote from Zeus - he really is dead on with the great advice. That needs to be my mantra!
When you said It took me so long to realize even the way I saw something could be misconstrued as "reasoning," so I would say be open to the realizations that you get because they only serve to help YOU, regardless of the outcome that really hits home...My H was so reasonable before he got involved with the OW. From the very beginning of this I was trying to be logical and rational because that is always how we worked out our issues before. So, it has been very difficult to change our dynamic after 20 years because there is absolutely no reasoning with someone who is in "affair fog". Really great advice!
About the kids and db'ing - I know I am not the perfect mom, but I do know I am a really great one and that led to some of the issues my H and I are having now. I put the kids ahead of him and it was definitely my mistake - he should've been a priority, too and I didn't make him feel like one. Looking back at all the times in the past 7 months that I "begged, pleaded and pursued", it was after an episode one of the boys had being emotional about the A or D. As their mom, I like to "fix" things when they are broken for them and I have struggled with that in the past. Unfortunately, I cannot fix this divorce anymore than I should fix other things for them in their path. It's just a pattern I was able to see when my S was telling me about being bullied at school, it immediately set me off when my H didn't make it a priority when I thought he should. I need to stop reacting emotionally right away, step back and be thoughtful about my plans and strategize. That needs to start happening in my db'ing and when the kids or I are faced with difficulties. So, thanks for the good advice to try and db all the family and friends, too. What a great way to practice and I am so sick of talking about it anyway. I want to detach from all that drama and be "normal" with them again sometimes! I am seeing family this weekend and I am definitely going to try it!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
