Hi Nitaf, I just wanted to tell you I'm here, and so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having. I know it's terribly hard....I've had times when I felt like ending more than my m, but a person can get through it, I can tell you that from experience. I'm wondering, are you able to eat and sleep? when I got the worst was when I hadn't been able to sleep for weeks at a time...a person gets really irrational then....you might want to consider talking to your dr. about some meds. to help you through this tough time, if you havent already. I found that I was so wired that sleep meds that should have knocked out a horse took about 5 -6 days to work for me....but those and some antidepressants have really helped me stay on an even keel. I don't have to take the sleep meds very often anymore, maybe 1x every 2 weeks or so now. I'm also wondering if you have a family member or friend you can confide but trust to keep your secrets. I tried very hard not to tell anyone, but finally confided in my own M and Sister....they knew something was wrong anyway, and just feeling their unconditional support is helpful...they will still be able to love/forgive H, I believe, and I don't confide in them often or tell them much, but just knowing they're there if I need them helps.
There were actually a couple of days I felt so crappy I called in sick/went home sick, and just pulled the blankets over my head and hid from the world. It's ok to do that to be able to catch your breath....this stuff is overwhelming and exhausting. You need to take care of yourself, with rest and food and support, to get back to level ground. I feel really guilty saying that because I'm the queen of panic, but folks here on the bb have helped pull me back into orbit with this advice, and it is so true.....take care, let us know how you are.... are there some good/positives in your sitch/life you can write out to help you see things from a more rounded perspective?
