Inevitable always happens

[sandi2]

Some WW's who have excessive anger toward their LBH'S will hit them where it hurts the worse.........through his children. Maybe you need a lawyer who will fight for father's rights.

[keefa]

thanks guys,
Yes my L is fighting hard for my rights and yes my L has assured me ( although extremely hard at the moment) that she is of course making her own case look exceptionally ugly in the courts view. Her L is very young and we don't think ever been to court, mine is an old hand and a human rights barrister also and spends all week at court. We are fighting for a fair solution in the best interests of my boys, not squabbling over who has them for friday evening. It is so so tough waiting it out especially as I took time off work to be with them on their half term which has been denied by ex ( she has no right at all to do this) so have been bouncing around at home and its getting to me. In a funny way, it feels like a line has been crossed. Using children like this makes her the sort of person I would have nothing to do with, period.
It is so so sad that being a good husband, provider, father and person still leaves it all vulnerable to being taken away
I am hating her more ans more. I've never hated anyone in my life. The thoughts i have about karma are bad but I seem to be placing alot of faith in Karma at the moment. Sometimes it is hard to be a better person when all this is going on around me. I'm going to take my dog for a long walk to try and clear my head.

[sandi2]

Sounds as if you have a good lawyer. Hope so.

These emotions you have, seem typical for most LBH's. Probably doesn't help knowing this, except to realize you are normal in having these feelings.

[keefa]

Thanks Sandi, it kinda helps but I sometimes feel so guilty hoping karma will take a bite out of her. It feels like I am being dictated to left right and centre and I am expected to shut up, put up and be a good boy for her. But I know this is to show the kind of person I am.
Odd day today, had a text early from ex. I was meant to have my boys 2 til 5 but she said why don't I have them 1 til 6. This was monumental as she NEVER does this kind of thing. Had a brilliant afternoon with my boys doing nothing much bar tearing around the house, playing zombies, scalextrix and so on.
Cooked them dinner which they loved. Very brief conversation with ex at pick up, She wants all their clothes at her house. I have said this is unreasonable and told her again tonight that I am keeping their coats at my house as they have many coats at hers. Not gone down well but I'm doing the right thing. trivial I know but small things.

[Thornton]

Congrats on the good day, Keefa.

Keep being an awesome role model for the fellas, they are watching.

[keefa]

Hey guys,
Really hard day today. Having my boys yesterday brought the house alive and today it took a dive. Been keeping myself as busy as tiredness allows but i'm having the same night time dreams and day dreams, and it is always me confronting ex in some way. 'How could you do this to us, I loved you ! ' etc
Today has been surreal. I keep expecting her car to pull up on the gravel drive and to hear the boys running in. it is weird. I wonder if anyone else has that ' is this really happening' days ? The only thing I can liken it to is an amputee still feeling a lost limb.
i'm in limbo at the moment, caught between fighting to see my boys, pressing on with the financial settlement (in UK is a Form 'E'), trying to juggle the continuous demands and debts and trying to protect whats left of the home. (in UK I cannot change locks or prevent her from accessing the home so she could technically come in and take everything that's left.)
It is compounding my contempt and hatred at the moment but I cannot help but wonder if this stranger I once knew as my wife is temporary or is it just the new her ? we all change, this is who she is now. Did I turn her into this person ? Was I not doing enough ? I find it hard to level with how utterly different this person who looks like my ex wife is.
I sent an envelope back with my boys gear, it was stuffed with all the silly little love notes and doodles from our last 15 years. I wrote on the envelope..
'i didn't have the heart to throw this away (yep I kept them all) but am sure you will do something with it'

I'm not sure if giving her my last relatiopnship connection with her is detachment or not but that's it. Nothing of her remains in the house. There are of course reminders but no books, DVDs, pictures, photos etc remain. Just me and my boys.
It's a very very odd feeling. ex and I right now have an overly polite very short communication regarding access to the boys and that is it.
Thoughts like...
'nothing is forever' keep crossing my mind, reflecting of course on the fact the marriage didn't last. But then if nothing is forever, I guess this too really will pass.
I'd sure as hell like to know how long it will last as it is getting tougher and tougher to fake it til I make it.
I live in hope that reality will hit her, but what then ?
I don't want a r with her anymore. does that mean I didn't believe in my M if it only takes 8 months to fall out of love ? am I broken too ?

[WillDo]

Hang in there. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[rich4j]

Hey guys,

I don't want a r with her anymore. does that mean I didn't believe in my M if it only takes 8 months to fall out of love ? am I broken too ?

Keefa- are you saying you woudnlt reconcile or want anything with her if she came back? I am assuming you would not at this point.

I ask becasue NOOOOO you are not broken. You are hurt, resentful and probably angry. How do you love someone who do this ?

I am in the same boat with you except I am the one who has to move out most likely to keep the peace once the L get their act together. I can't even think about R.....not after some of the things said and how I feel.

When someone hurts you there is a defense mechanism and you can't fault yourself and think you are broken because of what she did

It will be lonely now and then & it is one of my big fears too. Gets you thinking when you are lonely and not good things...keep busy

[keefa]

Hi Guys,

I dont even know the person my ex is let alone want a relationship with her. I feel so so sad that it ended the way it did, and that all there were, was lie after lie after lie. She has told her boss ( headmistress) all about the atmosphere at home and child services were called to assess the boys well being. Turns out the biggest upset to them is not seeing me, and her constant lying which my eldest has picked up on. I am wondering if I should write to the head and give her my perspective so she can understand the boys position better.
I do not like the person my ex is. Nor do any of my friends and family who know/knew her. I want my wife back. If I had THAT chance I would take it in a heartbeat. I want to be loved not lied to. I want to trust not live in fear of deceit. My Ex was never wrong. I do not believe remorse is something she is capable of and therefore a R would never happen. I guess I am better off out of the relationship but I wanted to at least try. We did after all rub along nicely for nearly 15 years. I could never trust her unless she was truly sorry. I do not think that would ever ever happen. This also makes me so so sad.

[rich4j]

Keefa

I know its tough and I sense you continue to go back n forth a bit thinking she could truly be sorry and that you really want the "real wife" back....

Do you keep a daily log of your interactions with her in relations to your kids? I would document everything day by day no matter how you have to do it. It will go a long way if she is not being the mother she needs to be and you need to fight for your children.

Your kids will pick up on things and realize what is going on expecially if she is lying and saying things she should not

Focus on being the best dad you can be and things will fall into place for you. Its all we can do for now right?