Quote: She feels he is to blame for her feeling the way she does.
This is the part that I just can't process. And I'm basically talking to my WW here...but if I'm responsible for my own happiness...if its up to me to become a better man...then how the hell can you turn this on its head a blame me and hold me responsible for the way you feel and the actions you are taking?
The short answer is that what you say is completely true......and logical. However, a WW is anything but logical. She doesn't think in reasonable, rational terms. She bought into the fairy tale that her H was suppose to make her happy. She sees him failing to do it, and she is angry about it.
For the W who feels she tried to make the MR work and that her H was doing nothing, she turns that resentment on him. She blames him for her anger, disillusion, emotional emptiness, unhappiness, and the failure to have a good marriage.
It takes time for her to deal with those feelings, and that is why she won't listen to him trying to persuade her things can be better and that he has changed. She sees him as the source of her unhappiness and her main goal is to find whatever makes her happy. Sadly, she is seeing that she is responsible for her own happiness, but with her crippled mindset, she doesn't see it from a healthy view point. Her selfishness is driving her, and she has all that anger in her.
She basically has to learn the hard way, by experiencing her reality and dealing with the losses she has caused. That is what shakes her out of the fog. Then she is able to see her H more clearly. If he has made positive changes in himself, she will be drawn to him. She still has to deal with her internal feelings. If she feels remorse and wants to save her M, she will humbly approach her H.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
