Inevitable always happens

[keefa]

well, she lost her mum when she was a toddler, her dad ( died 12 years ago) was a very crusty chap who didn't have her until he was 65. She was looked after but not shown family love and warmth. Ironically, my family took her in and treated her as a daughter not a daughter in law. Sadly, her personality is one that is never wrong. Even now, with me fighting tooth and nail to see my children, she is digging in and making me go the whole hog, and get a court order. Mt L has sat me down a few times, kept me calm and told me it is the long game, let her fight all the petty stuff, but the bigger picture is for me to get good access and be a genuinely co-parent. She is not an angry person, sometimes I wished we could have had a good argument. Her style was always cold and moody ( something I later learned was passive aggressive) would go ghost and so on. I always wondered what I had done wrong, what wasn't I doing enough of, showing affection that was always one way, re-writing our history and so on and so on until working at it was slowly killing me.
It is my absolute grief that,(not seeeing my children aside) ...I am probably better off as a person out of the relationship. However, I am bitterly disappointed I could not find a way to show her that the relationship 'could' have been worked on, all we had to do was find the help. She would not go to any counseling or therapy as she would never admit she was wrong. I went to over 30 sessions on my own.
It is what is is I guess. I can't change her, but I always thought I would be the lighthouse....