Hi everybody. I am still down today.I didn't even go to work. I was just feeling overwhelmed this weekend and pretty hopeless.
I did something that I should't have done. I accessed his cell bill on line because he said to me that he was never coming home because he can not trust me. I just feltlike it was an excuse so I said what do I have to lose by trying to find out if there is someone else? (2x4) He said he never coming home anyway. It was just as I suspected, an EA. talking on the phone to a girl he met in a realestate class. He still denies that it means anything. His excuse is that they are not the same religion and he would never be with someone who is a different religon! I said, why are you spending hours on the phone if it is to go no where. He said talking about realestae. All night long, I don't think so. I just don't know where to go from here. Other than hitting myself with a 2x4! help, I am giving up. I feel defeated because he said he will never be back because he can not get past things that happened in the M.
Yeah, I know the feeling, all weekend I had this urge to cry. On Easter Sunday at my folks house I was reading the obits and there was a 1st anni on a friend of mine and ex h, actually more my friend--I always had a secret crush on this guy and we all worked together, anyway it was one year again that he was at a jack and jill party and he just fell over and died--at 32 yr old-always healthy. I was bringing my d home and stopped to pay my respects and I just burst into tears and my d must have thought I was nuts. I finally composed myself, by when I was in my apart. I just sat and stared, why am I doing all this!! I really had this overwhelming urge to cry. okay I'm done, I didn't mean to get going like that. I can't believe you snooped! you little devil and now that just made things worse! believe me, I have snopped so many times and think what the heck and then I always end of regretting it. But we need to pull ourselves up and work on us!!! Maybe once he sees you changing the past will take care of itself. lets try to smile right now , one, two, three
Cmon Nitaf, you can do this! I was feeling really down on Saturday so I just made myself busy and got a lot of stuff done around the house. Don't snoop, find something else to occupy your attention. Reviewing your goals and behavior and babysteps is a very helpful exercise.
Hi Slowly, I am trying to pick myself up. This so very hard. I think I need to just face the fact that my marriage is over. I'm tired of fightin alone. I really am.
what I am going tp do today is set boundaries. I need them to be able to better take care of myself. I have to get used to H not being here. His presence is still far too great.
I am going to ask him to get S every other weekend,and wash clothes at his moms.
They actually sound like good things to get started on. It may help throw a curve on him that you are done fighting for the M as well and could reflect positively on how you want things to be different.
It's part of the rollercoaster ride. You can do this. Don't think of the calls as necessarily a bad thing (I know easier said than done) but more of a learning tool so that you can learn to "listen" to H w/new perspective.
What is his LL? physical touch? If so, you're doing a good thing keeping that strong. Find other ways to show him love in his language that might help.
I know it's tough, believe me but if you do nothing else during this time, learn to take care of YOU and what you need in the future. Live for yourself right now and see things fall into place.
When I got real down, I reflected on something I heard in a sermon, maybe it can help you....when you're down and out, everything seems to go wrong. Learn to start the day w/a good outlook and see how well things start to turn around. Remember it starts w/you.
To me this means that if you start low, nothing will seem right that day. So, when you start high, things are seen in a different light. For example, you may be sad coz your H calls you to say that he isn't coming over that day as planned (so you take it negatively); but (as a positive) at least he CALLED to tell you this instead of not showing up. (see how the sit can be viewed as either negative or positive?) Good luck. Remember, you set the tone for your day.
Hi Nitaf, I just wanted to tell you I'm here, and so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having. I know it's terribly hard....I've had times when I felt like ending more than my m, but a person can get through it, I can tell you that from experience. I'm wondering, are you able to eat and sleep? when I got the worst was when I hadn't been able to sleep for weeks at a time...a person gets really irrational then....you might want to consider talking to your dr. about some meds. to help you through this tough time, if you havent already. I found that I was so wired that sleep meds that should have knocked out a horse took about 5 -6 days to work for me....but those and some antidepressants have really helped me stay on an even keel. I don't have to take the sleep meds very often anymore, maybe 1x every 2 weeks or so now. I'm also wondering if you have a family member or friend you can confide but trust to keep your secrets. I tried very hard not to tell anyone, but finally confided in my own M and Sister....they knew something was wrong anyway, and just feeling their unconditional support is helpful...they will still be able to love/forgive H, I believe, and I don't confide in them often or tell them much, but just knowing they're there if I need them helps.
There were actually a couple of days I felt so crappy I called in sick/went home sick, and just pulled the blankets over my head and hid from the world. It's ok to do that to be able to catch your breath....this stuff is overwhelming and exhausting. You need to take care of yourself, with rest and food and support, to get back to level ground. I feel really guilty saying that because I'm the queen of panic, but folks here on the bb have helped pull me back into orbit with this advice, and it is so true.....take care, let us know how you are.... are there some good/positives in your sitch/life you can write out to help you see things from a more rounded perspective?
Well, the story gets worse. I called the woman. That was such a stupid thing to do. I didn't get to speak with her because she probably recognized that it was my # on the caller ID box and wouldn't answer. She probably told H that I think your wife called here. He was as cold as ice this morning. I said why are you so angry? He wouldn't give me ananswer because he doesn't want to admit to the A. He is till in the denying mode. I don't know wether he is more angry for getting caught or about what he is doing! He just stands by , it's nothing.....I feel like this is the end. He will probably file for D now in anger. Why do we do such stupid things that we know will set us back?
No, I can not eat or sleep. I have lost about 10 lbs. I only weighed about 115 soak and wet from the beginning.I look so thin. I will call the doctor.I can not focus or concentrate but I do have a couple of people in my corner to talk to.
Quote: Why do we do such stupid things that we know will set us back?
Because we're human, we make mistakes. But what makes us better, the way to grow, is when we pick ourselves up, and try again realizing we won't make the same mistakes again because we've learned from them. I know you're strong enough to do it.
But first you need to take care of yourself. See your doctor. In the three months following the bomb I lost over 30 lbs. I had to force myself to eat. Don't go without sustenance. For the sleeping, Tyenol makes a nonprescription sleep aid available at any drug store, it works very well, ask your pharmacist if you can't find it. It is safe and not addictive.
My negative thought don't even allow tylenol to put me out of my misery. I took 2 last night, slept 3 hrs and woke up for the rest of the nite. How do you like that stinkin' thinkin'!?
