May I post on this thread as I do not want one of own? By the way, Murphy has attacked me lately too, is currently attacking me too, as I will be visiting the Er as soon as I send gabby off to school.....
Anyways, you all know I've been dating a guy for almost 6 months. It's been rocky due to distance and the whole " I was not going to get into a relationship but I didn't know I was going to fall for you" he's had huge life changes, and freaked out on me a few times and it almost ended. I visit him way more than he sees me due to him having to run his business. We actually just got back from vacation together with our daughters. We had said our "I love you'd" a while back, but he stopped with one of his breakdowns. He's slipped a few times, but he really did stop. We act like we are in a relationship but won't use the word. We have a great time together. I adore his daughter, she adores me and gabby adores him, and the girls adore each other. That part is a dream.
However. He is going through his self proclaimed selfish phase and can't commit to anything. Not even dinner reservations, lol. Not kidding. He does not make plans. And has expressed his desire is to be able to just call him girlfriend and have her be available so that everything fits perfectly into his life. We'll, it doesn't work that way when you date someone who has a life.
I love him. I really do. But I have to be up there on someone's priority list. I also need someone who will not fight loving me. I've been through this, giving my all, but the person I am with is unable to retun it. It is eating me up inside, especially now kids are involved. But I must put my needs first. I'm afraid I'm going to have to end it if he can't give more and it just breaks my heart into tiny pieces. But I am important and worth some compromise. Something in tend to forget.
Im scared to have this talk. I think D8 will be really upset. Seeing them together brings a tear to my eyes. She thinks he is so great. She'll hug him, hold his hand, and she doesn't do that with guys. Our kids get along amazingly. His daughter comes to me when she needs something or wants something or doesn't feel well. And when him and I are together, we are great. Although this vacation wasn't 100%, long story, but we have something special. But he distances himself so far from me when we are apart.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or venting. But I am so scared to do this.
By the way it's 4 am, I haven't slept, I'm on a massive amount of pain meds that aren't working and I'd be at the hospital right now if D8 wasn't sleeping soundly. My health has sucked in the past 2 weeks.
