Staying The Course

[HopeRB]

broke, I know you've had a long night/day and I'm happy for you to be coming into realizations about yourself and your situation. I ask everyday that things like that are revealed to me so I know what to work on for myself, to make myself healthy and whole for whatever comes next. I know we've got a similar thing going on but I would encourage you not to give up. And I think the way Zues just put it illustrates it pretty well also:

In response to the whole "Should I want my M back" or "Should I accept D and move on", the answer is really neither. You don't need to make any decisions today. And even if you did, you would still grieve, you would still have second thoughts either way. And either way, you should be doing the same things. Taking care of yourself. So spare yourself the whole 'making a decision' thing. Instead detach from both outcomes and take care of yourself so you'll be ok regardless.

I try to DB when I interact with H. And as I mentioned before, I've realized that goes as far as indirect interactions to him via friends/family. It's almost as if I have to DB them! And the only ppl that see my true cards are literally 2 people...and myabe my Dad.

I'm so sorry to hear about your boys and the your web your H is attempting to spin. It sounds like you've been doing your absolute best to be a transparent, supportive mom to those boys so please keep up the good work. Amidst all of that, we cannot beg, plead, reason, etc. It took me so long to realize even the way I saw something could be misconstrued as "reasoning," so I would say be open to the realizations that you get because they only serve to help YOU, regardless of the outcome. Of course, easier said than done but I'm almost starting to feel "excited" (using this term very loosely) when I have an epiphany or realization b/c that just means I one step closer to a better me, and that is really what the point of all this is. Why do you find it easier to GAL/Db when you're alone vs with the boys?