Staying The Course

[HopeRB]

Zues, once again you've brought to light a perspective that I don't give alot of attention to although I know I should. I've thought about his needs, wants and perspective in all this and have come to impasses on it, my latest realization being that this is his journey and all i can do is let him go and find out for himself. I know this and it still doesn't make it any easier. It's not like I'm saying this about an old friend or someone I haven't slept with everyday for the past however many years.

I guess sometimes I just feel too upset and emotional to want to truly understand his perspective. Especially when I see things that make me think he is just walking farther and farther away. Also, I feel like when I do stop and examine his perspective, I actually do begin to empathize with him (from a distance), see where he's coming from and acknowledge it. But then, I feel like if I say these things then he will feel validated in his resolve to leave our M and that too will push him out. So to me, it looks like a win-lose situation: if I defend and disagree, It's destructive to our R and he "loses", yet if I empathize and acknowledge, then I lose. And I don't look at it as if we're competitors per se, this is just what goes on in my mind when I seek to work on understanding his point of view. And this has always been a problem for me throughout our M, which is probably what eroded the safe haven we'd established within each other. He didn't feel safe or supported when he came to b/c instead of empathizing with him, I was setting up to defend myself.