Nitaf, I've skimmed through your thread. I think you've been doing very well overall. I think its good that two of you have been ML. What I've written below are some general pointers that seem to apply directly to your sitch, I think some other posters have already mentioned these as well. Most of these are basic DBing skills, but sometimes the basics are most important, they are the foundation without which we would be lost.
--Patience is your best friend. Don't pressure your S. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Look for the small changes you can make that improve you and improve your interactions, and be consistent about your changes for the better. Even after you reconcile, you will need to keep DBing to keep from falling back. --Act as if something good will happen and it generally will. strive for positive interactions. --Stop crazymaking. Overanalyzing everything will only drive you nuts. Try to stay focused on the positives, remember your babysteps. Don't beat yourself up. --Thoughtstopping is very useful when your S starts to criticize you or say something mean. Don't defend, just listen. Look for the advice in their criticism when you can. Think about how you can change your behavior in the future so they can't complain about this particular thing again. And don't vent with your S (when you need to vent, do it here. when you need to cry or scream, try to do it later when they're not around). And it's generally good practice to avoid R talks (something I've slipped on a number of times, I can't resist when she initiates). Something I'd posted in another thread awhile back... Strive to be lovingly detached. Detaching meaning we're not spun all around by their roller coaster, and loving meaning that we can support them unconditionally when it spins them. --Make home life appealing to them. Make home a place they don't want to leave. Be sure to keep yourself attractive too (attitude, health, grooming, and attire can go a long way). --Your happiness is your own responsibility. Take care of yourself. --Review often your babysteps, your goals, whats working for you, and what doesn't work. Keep learning and adjusting.
Also, in my own sitch, and I know I've mentioned this many times ad nauseum elsewhere, it really does help to pay attention to your S's LL, and decipher all the different ways you can use that to make them feel more loved with you. Also, while you probably don't have to deal with an OW right now, you both have had A's. I've had to deal extensively with an OM. I've learned that it does me NO good whatsoever to think about he and her, it does me NO good whatsoever to snoop, it does me NO good whatsoever to bring him up myself in convos or to talk bad about him, and whenever she talks about him I try to learn what I can be that would fulfill her need to see him. Think about moving forward, not about rehashing the bad. Some of these lessons probably apply to how you can handle the A's you and your H had.
