I read up on your sitch and it is so like mine. My h did the dance of lets ml then lets d, it's over it's on! I understand where you are in your fustration level.
What you need to realize is that right now it is all about him. You got to let go of defending yourself, don't push him for an explanation of his actions or whereabouts. Be friendly, be busy! Don't hang on his remarks, don't say anything rash. Let him do what he will do.
As for him coming to the house, maybe every once in a while change up the routine. Instead of him calling to ml, how about surprising him when he comes over by meeting him dressed in some sexy negligee (maybe a 180 for you?). Throw a wrench in that routine of his...get him thinking! What ideas do you have for this?
As hard as this may seem, you will need to let it be about him. You deal with your feelings about your a...forgive yourself. Then work on letting go of his a.
He wants you, he wants the m...he's testing your resolve to stick with the m. Do not tell him to file, say "H do what you think is best for the family"...turn the decision to him. Make wanting the d all about him.
Wiley's advice in this type sitch which worked for me is "Be sexy, be busy, act as if the situation is great as is, no pressure"!
You can do this! Now is your time to get your own life.
