So I need some advice. I am putting kids back into daycare so that my separated W can have the day open and the ability to work. I think that she continues to hold out for the job she really wants and is not considering other more immediate options. She wants me to give her $$ to support her and is saying to me "you can afford to pay for daycare, but you can't give me $$" When she asked for money originally I told her that I needed some time to think about things. I think that my time is up. The kids are taken care of in terms of expenses, but she wants $$ to go do fun stuff.
Also, I don't know if it will help to point out the fact that 1) I know that she is "in love" with the OM from EA and they swap I love you's
2) I know who he is and he is a looser. Text book "Affairing down"
I want to put a boundary along the lines of since you have chosen this path I will not be supporting you....
This is what I want to say:
Due to your choice to end the M and your relationship with OM I cannot and will not facilitate your R with OM(-insert name-) in anyway. In addition to no longer supporting you outside of your car and insurance, I will also not be paying for your cell phone as this is the primary means of communication that you have with OM. Once this billing period is over, I will need the device back since hardware is paid for by the month and you will need to make arrangements to port your line if you would like to keep it.
I want to express this in a way that will point out why I am establishing this boundary because of OM and EA and not just to be spiteful. BUT what I am struggling with is that at this point she thinks I am in the dark about the severity of her R with this OM. I also want to go ahead and get the "elephant in the room" out there about the OM. I don't think it is healthy for me or constructive for the R to have this resentment I have about the situation with OM effect my actions and her think she is so slick in hiding things and not know why I am doing this and just think I am doing this because I am being a jerk. Ultimately I am sure she will think because I am a jerk, but whatever. Deep down she will understand why.
I am staying true to to Sandi2 rules on how to interact, but I just feel she needs to understand why I am doing what I am doing with this financial boundary. Spoke with a L about sitch and I feel confident that I am in a pretty good position if she try's to manipulate me.
