Cali - I'm pretty sure one thing God does NOT want you to do is to be a doormat or an enabler.
You've worked on yourself, been kind and understanding, but sometimes, the WAS cannot begin to turn around until they hit bottom and have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
And you, my friend, do not have control over whether she ever is able to change or not.
As for the Catholic idea of marriage for life - I grew up Catholic so I understand this, I do. But a couple of things to consider: - first, if you weren't married in the Catholic church, I'm pretty sure those rules don't actually apply to this marriage (a little hypocritical, I know,but that's how it was when I was growing up). - second, you definitely don't have to stay in a marriage that's abusive. You might, if you were very religious, choose not to remarry, but that's a different question for another time.
- third - leaving her to hit bottom and change - or not - is not abandoning her - sometimes that's exactly what the WAS needs, for people to stop enabling them.
I was married in the church and was married for 24 years. I worked on the marriage through a couple of infidelities on my ex's part. He finally left in a MLC whirlwind as he was approaching 50. I have peace in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage, and I was a faithful and loving partner all those years. I have moved on to a new relationship (ex is remarried) and I don't feel any remorse. I DO think the Catholic ideal of working hard to save your marriage is valuable, but in reality, you cannot force your partner to stay married, and once you have given it your best shot, you should not have to be alone forever just because your partner wigged out.
