Eyes forward Sotto..

[Sotto]

Hi RD, thanks for posting and - ugh, I know. In truth, I've felt a bit rotten ever since - taken back to that time when I felt sick, shaken and vulnerable. It really triggered something in me.

As you say, nothing has changed - and I guess I just need to deal with the feeling yucky. on the upside, feeling low about things does make me realise I haven't felt this way for some time, which is progress. I'm sure there was a time when I felt that way the whole time.

I find I read the sitches of others and they have more contact with their MLCer. I think I'm just facing a feeling of no hope really. Though logically I understand the MLC journey and I also feel we had a good M - I also know ours has been a short M and with no kids together. I guess I just feel this is really the end and it has hit me a little. Have I been in denial? Maybe so. Just some more grief I guess.

I feel I'm 'doing the right things' and there is nothing really. No progress at all. I know there is progress within me, and I guess that is the main thing - but just nothing in H. And I struggle to accept that he just chose this woman whose last R was also an A and then she cheated on him with H. And I'm pretty nice really - not perfect by any means, but pretty nice, and ....oh well, this isn't really going anywhere is it - just self pity...

Anyway - a bit of a low day. This week has been busy, I have a sore throat and think I got a bit overtired. Hopefully things will look up in a few days.

Take care all & thanks for reading xx