Been DBing for 8 months now, still on that emotional roller coaster. Hopefully will get out of the low soon. Wanted to thank all of you that helped the "old me" and will come around and reintroduce myself.
Thanks again for all of your wisdom and support. Will post more later.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Anyway, the amount of patience and mental strength to get through this is insane. Old anxieties don't bother me as much anymore though.
I keep likening it to getting through traffic. It [censored], but eventually you will get where you need to be.
I have been feeling pretty hopeless. Husband was in good mood and made small talk with my parents and I immediately thought " he is in good mood because he made decision to move forward with divorce and now there is weight off shoulder" or he "just got offered promotion that will have him move to other state" or " he met someone else and experiencing a high"
I know how crazy and unattached I sound. That's why I need the answer regardless of which direction it is. Like getting a medical diagnosis. I feel like waiting is worse then knowing what you actually have. Once you find out you can proceed with treatments and acceptance and getting through it.
Hopefully he won't bail on our scheduled meeting.
I haven't had much higher GAL and kids are off school so I have just been consumed.
I just have not been my self past few weeks. It could be because I am sick and no exercise and kids are home and I had to take off days and stuck in doors due to weather and it just compiled to a big time depression...lost weight again, not sleeping, crying a lot. I don't feel mentally strong. Maybe upcoming meeting has me too stressed out or the above wasn't so good.
I'm gonna have to act "as if" during meeting. Act as if he is going to say yeah, let's work torwards reconciling. Be light and positive and smiley. I don't feel that way though. Only good thing is, I am hanging out with friend the day before so hopefully will be in better mood. I have had a bad feeling in my gut though.
I have to remind myself, that worse case scenario is he wants divorce and it won't be so bad, as it will be exactly same as now except I will have freedom to mourn, heal and move forward. I already did this at end of October.
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in. I hope you feeling better and are recovering from being sick.
Would you be able to provide more information? When is the meeting and what is it about?
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
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Honestly don't even try to read his mind. Who knows he might be DB you and act as if :-)! Joke aside I really feel for you as being in limbo land is the worst thing. Take what in going to say with a pinch of salt. What is your situation now? You are separated, so in a way you are D as he doesn't live with you nor he is intimate with you, so as hard and harsh as it sounds it's over.
What keeps you in this limbo are your feelings? If you didn't love him, what wound you do everyday? What would you enjoy doing? What wound you like to try? I don't want to sound harsh as I was there in your shoes not so long ago. I had to convince myself that he was dead. It took me a while for it to sink in and accept that my life has changed forever.
I have found my strength when I found you all in here. I believe we are all feeling down as we feel that we are second hand. We are not, of course we have our issues, so does WAH. Unfortunately we can't deal with them on their behalf.
Why I was in limbo was because I was afraid of being on my own and not being able to cope with everyday life! One year on I'm coping pretty well with everyday life. STBXH being there or not hasn't made any difference, so I know I can cope as I have survived the first year! You too Jujub you can, you already have because it has been 8 months now. Give yourself time to heal.
J, I am sorry, my PMA is slipping too, limbo is pure hell. I am thinking along the same lines as you, if he files then it will be heartbreaking, but then I can move on.
Is there some way you can get back into your exercise routine tomorrow?
I don't know if this makes sense but would there be a difference if you acted as if you know you're going to be fine regardless of what happens instead of as if he's going to R?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
