have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[tkdmme]

Also, She has been going by the house when I am not there. When she first left she said she would be dropping by to feed the dog and cat but I do that everyday. I don't think she has any business coming by when I am not there but im not sure how to communicate this to her.

[tkdmme]

otw,

I requested that I get to keep the kids sometime during the week but she refused and said that it would be hard on the kids to move from house to house so often.
She uses the "do what's best for the kids" line. I want to do what's best for them too and she has been ok with them coming over for a few hours on Wednesdays. Im ok with the agreement right now. I work a lot of hours and I leave the house very early. The time i am at home I have been repairing and remodeling the house so I stay very busy with that too. I am getting used to being without her and im feeling pretty good about the changes I am making. However, the situation with work has thrown me a curve ball. I want to tell her about it but I don't want to hear the inevitable spew that will come from it.
I know she has just been waiting for me to leave so that she can settle back into our house. When I tell her that I am not leaving, she is going to flip out.

[otw]

don't take this the wrong way, but who gives a crap what she thinks about it.

why are you so worried about making her mad with this? this was her choice.

have you contacted a Lawyer?

I feel you are letting her run the show on everything.

Im sorry to also say this, but it seems like you are trying to nice guy her back to you and just doing whatever she wants and not ruffling her feathers.

What about what you want? What about your life?

If she decided to come to you and say lets get back together, would you just take her back? Would you just be so happy to have her back you would be a doormat?

I doubt you would be happy very long.

AS far as the kids go, it is in their best interest to be around their dad just as much as mother.

I was the sole provider in my household, when she left she thought she would still keep them while i worked, etc..

i told her no, when it is my time everything is my responsibility.

You will find ways to manage. it isn't always easy, but i do fine

[tkdmme]

Yes, I did see a lawyer a while back but we haven't really worked through any details as far as custody and child support.

I pay everything except her credit cards. Our kids are in a very expensive school which I also pay for.

I just feel ganged up on. I have no family close by and her family is all around me watching my every move. They live just a few miles from me and I know they drive by my house to see what im doing or not doing.

I agree. Her and her family have been running the show and im getting very sick of it to say the least. However they are still hoping that she will change her mind and come back to me.
As far as letting her back into my life, ABSOLUTELY NOT! If by some chance she came to me and said that she wanted to work on things, there would be many conditions. I have thought of this from time to time and don't reallwry have a plan as of yet but im not ready for her to come back. She is no longer the woman I married and I don't want anything to do with who she is now.

Don't get me wrong, I dream of reconciling but not without her doing her part.

She still has not admitted any fault of her own and still blames me for everything.

I just hate being hated for no apparent reason

[otw]

Well I have read many situations where the lbh didn't do things to protect himself hoping to get back together or not rock the boat or worried about W or family being upset them get screwed over because they waited. I think you need to look out for yourself right now and stop enabling her.

[tkdmme]

I appreciate the advice and you are right. I am going to set up a meeting with her ASAP. I have definitely been trying to not rock the boat for sure. I think it may be time to start doing things a little differently.

[otw]

Look I still hope for the best in my relationship but when I saw things were really not changing I got real for a minute.
I don't think you meet with her yet. You need to meet with lawyer first. Find out your rights and ask everything from house, support, custody, etc.

Know what you are entitled to before you go in and talk to her. Your emotions may get the better of you when you don't know the truth.

Have a leg to stand on before. Don't show your cards. Listen to what she says. Ask questions why she thinks that way. Don't argue it. Really listen to her and try to understand her. Then ask for time to process everything. Bring it all back here and to your lawyer. Then set up a follow up with her.

You don't want to make long lasting decisions when you see her

[tkdmme]

I threw a birthday party for my S11 this weekend. All went well and he and his friends had a great time. I took the kids home last night and again everything went well.
So im not sure why I feel so depressed this morning. It has been nearly a year since she said she wanted a divorces and 16 months since it all started.
I still have mornings that I can barely breathe and feel so sad. I remember people on this site telling me to be ready for the long haul but I had no idea just how long the haul would be.

I woke up this morning wanting to tell the W that I still love her and want her to come home but at this point I know better. I know that no matter what I say, I am the enemy in her eyes.

[mutatio]

For some people, it is easier to blame others then look at oneself. Until she is willing to look honestly at herself and accept the truth, you will be her whipping boy.

[tkdmme]

Damn this roller coaster. I know im not alone in my struggle but I feel so alone. I thought the worst was over and then right back in the funk again.
I cant imagine how im going to make it through this. I know that people do it all the time but I don't think im strong enough. My work is very demanding and stressful and now I go home to a shell of a house with nobody home. I have no one to talk to except the dog and she doesn't speak English lol.

Will I make it?

Will I every feel joy again?

Will I ever be able to wake up and say "today is going to be a good day?

I look forward to nothing. Everything I do is draped in heavy failure. I think people can smell it on me.

Im afraid that if I don't pull it together soon, im going to loose my job. I have already lost my mind.

At this point I just want her to take the kids and raise them and let me run away.

So depressed today. God help me..