Rotts, Halo, anita, db, Thanks for checking up on me.I was off yesterday.I didn't say that he said he wnt M. I said he says and does things like he wants M but won't come out and say it. I wish he would come out and sy that.
My H's birthday was Satuurday. He came over at about 6:30am. I made him breakfast and a cake.I didn't know wether to get him a general card or something that said H. I decided well he still H so I got a card that said for my H.I amde sure it was nothing mushy but funny.(180 for me)I was upstairs when he read the card.He bust out laughing and said thanks for the card. This is really nice.That was sweat off my brow.
I got some discouraging news this weekend. MIL said H asked her to co-sign for a 10,000 loan so he can buy another house! She said no! It made me fell really discouraged. I feel like he has no intentions on coming home. All of this is in vain. I feel like he is not confused. He is just being nice but his mind is made up already! I feel tired. I don't want to fight this battle alone anymore. I understand that I made mistakes buy why do i have to be under the gun. He made mistakes too. Why are my mistakes so much worse than his? Why does he get to punish me untl he feels that I have learned a lesson. That is how I feel. It is like he never did anything wrond and I never did anything right. It just hurt so bad.
I know that I was not the easiest person in the world to live with. I know that I didn't make changes when I should have. I did the best I could do with what I knew at that time. In hind sight I see so many mistakes that we both made. I wish he would get off his high horse and realize that a M doesn't crumble by the actions of 1 but 2. I want so badly to ask him if there is someone else but I know that will just set me back. He will deny anyway. He has thus far!
I know I sound down but that is how I am feeling today.
