First of all, here's a DEEP hug from me! ((((((NYG)))))
I am so sorry that you are experiencing raw pain after your talk with W. That really s@cks big time. No two ways about it.
All is not lost. It is still the early stages of your sitch and I do believe that you and W will eventually find your way back together. Not now. Not a few months. MULTIPLE months later. The PEAs and the "shiny" new toy feel is very strong right now.
Dig deep for patience and turn the focus back on YOU.
Let me do a minor dissection of your interaction with W. You wrote:
I told W that as long as ow is in her life, there's no room for me. She said OK and confirmed that ow is in her life and her bed.
When you framed those words to W, it was a either me or her choice. When W feels pressured, she will ALWAYS pick OW. Instead you need to frame it in this way:
As long as OW is in the picture, you TWO will not be friends. See the difference? You are removing yourself from the cloche that holds the cake. This is what the WAS fears the most: losing the LBS's friendship.
Based on that "talk", you're still presenting yourself as the back up option and being too readily available. That has not worked at all...it all does is to set you up for a vicious cycle of scab picking sessions. That is clearly a cheeseless tunnel that has caused you tremendous pain.
What we need to do here is to get you back on the path of getting W to find the cheese: YOU! You ask how? I'm happy to show you the way:
1-Stop talking W. No more discussions at all. 2-Stop seeking out W (texting, emails, looking out your office window, running out of your building to intercept W, etc) 3-Continue with your GAL activities 4-Time for wardrobe changes. Dress up and do sexy outfits when going to basketball games and other social activities. 5-Join a church or some spiritual center that suits your needs the best 6-Surround yourself with gentle and loving people 7-Use thought stopping techniques whenever your mind strays to W and OW. Stop signs in your head or whatever. (What worked for me was distracting myself and forcing me to think of some other things/people. Some use rubber bands. Whatever floats your boat)
ANYTIME YOU FEEL THE URGE TO CONTACT W....come here FIRST! Unload on us....or call friends just to chat about the weather until the urge passes. I have used the 24-hour or 72-hour rule where I step away from the urge to contact Ms. Wonka and it usually passes. Or slap on a pink hued duct tape for 24-72 hours until that antsy pantsy feelings went away.
