Are you on any daily psychotropic medications? An anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication got me through the first few months.
This is so hard... I think DBing was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was horrible at it
Some things that worked for me:
1) Having a mantra or prayer like "Right here, in this moment, I am okay" or more spiritual ones if those resonate for you.. like "God please hold all of this and may it be held in forgiveness and mercy" or "may whatever is happening serve the awakening of this heart and may this awakening be of benefit to all everywhere." They kept my mind from fast forwarding to all the scary thoughts about them and the future.
2) Putting inspiring quotes about life/me up all around my house. (bathroom mirror was most helpful for me.)
3) Reframing this as time to work on me, that I am in this place for a purpose and the purpose is my own growth... and reading Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, stuff on love addiction/codependency/setting boundaries (Pia Melody.)
4) Thinking that I only have to get through the next hour... or next day.. taking it in small increments felt more manageable. Having a friend I would call when I felt tempted to call her.
5) Realizing that if really I love her, I let her go on her own path/journey
6) Keep moving/going/doing... and you are doing GREAT at that.
7) guided meditations from a CD in a Jack Kornfield book were a lifeline.. on loving-kindness, letting thoughts/feelings wash through me into the ground, forgiveness, etc.
8) eventually realizing that forgiveness for myself and my W and especially OW was good for me and was a process.. a really really really long one
At the end of the day, it caused me to rethink my purpose/existence and on good days, (not so much at first for sure) remember that I am here to learn how to be love in the world.
Someone during my time here that reconciled and made some amazing steps of self-discovery during her journey is labug. I would read her story if you haven't.
Please take good care of yourself NYGal.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
