I Think it's Way Too Late

[1313]

Hi Painter, thanks for the thoughts. Working backwards - yes - I figured that this is all the W's way of justifying her behavior. I've been wrong in this too and will take responsibility for not giving her the closeness she (now says) wanted. She left the MBR, and that was the beginning of the end, I believed her excuses. Parting shots were I should have pursued her. As it turns out - I couldn't have done anything right at this point regardless of what she says, as the A had already started. Like you guys say, believe none of what they say and half of what they do.

Yes, I've understood I need to get myself together to help my Mother. A lot of stuff went horribly wrong with her (mind wise) when I was distracted as things were falling apart. Again, my fault. My FIL has said in no uncertain terms she's a priority for now.

Since a case worker got involved (that's a thread by itself) she's got recommendations for some help if/when I'm not here, so I do plan to follow up on that.

As far as lawyers, the next door neighbor to my Mother recommended one, who has a good reputation (family law is all they do), and I liked the lawyer I talked to. I could change my mind though as I'm not sure I feel a "rapport" with her. Then again I'm not sure I need to.

We are so barely started on this process that nothing has happened yet other than responding to the law suit. My L says that she cannot do this - and the W's L says "yes and no". Now, reading between the lines I'm going to guess that the W is going to say something like she's afraid of me or something to that effect. The worst I've ever done to her was raise my voice, and that has been years. I sure raised my voice to her assistant though - who I was ready to strangle the last time I was allowed in the house. She's - well she's not liked by a lot of people because she can have a way of grating on folks with her passive aggressive behavior.

Anyway, when I finally snapped and yelled "go look for yourself" when she kept on me about where something was after I told her for the 3rd time - she said she'd call the police. So that gives me a huge clue that that is going to be the story, as I know the W is confiding everything in her friend/assistant.

The W is away for a company getaway in FL, and thinks I have no clue. She took the dog to a friend of course, instead of asking me to take care of her. I'm getting access to the house today so I can grab some art supplies. I was supposed to be doing a piece for a charity (due at the end of the month), but had to let them know I couldn't do it in time to be up on the heritage auctions website - if at all. I just don't feel very inspired at the moment. Still, I'd like to get a couple of things while I can. The house is very sad feeling the few times I've gone there, a very negative energy.

One very roundabout question though. As I've been reading the threads there seems to be some disagreement about staying close to the MIL/FIL. At first I told the MIL what was happening, as the W sort of danced around the issue. I felt I owed telling them as they've been very good to me. It was really more of a goodbye, as I figured they'd side with the W. To my surprise (well not really, I should know better) they sided with me. At some point I know I will have the very difficult decision of going over there for holidays when the W has her OM with her. At some point she will "come out", as right now she'd look like a you-know-what if everyone knew she was an A. So I figured my time with them may be limited depending on my ability to cope.

Some people here seem to be of the mindset that by continuing a relationship with them is a form of pursuit. I know it ticks off the W no end, according to the assistant who says I "stole them". Should I cut off my relationship with them, or have them do any reaching out? My MIL and Mother are good friends, and the MIL asked me if this would affect their relationship - I said never. But what about me? The MIL will always come over to visit my Mother, but should I stop going over there to check up on them? My FIL has congestive heart failure, and I worry about him a lot. It would be tough - and it's hard to decide between the M and doing what I think is right.