Help!

[CWOL]

I cannot tell you that detachment works. If I could I guess I would no longer be on this board. And you have the same questions I do. I can tell you this though from my brief experience, when I wrote letters, talked of counseling, moved back in, confronted the affair, told my WW how much I loved her and how beautiful she is, all that happened was she progressively got more more angry. To the point she was screaming at me and telling me how bad she wants to hurt me... to the point I offered to let her hit me to get it out.

Since I have detached (and I am not great at it) she has softened. Occasionally, she will text or call. Some of those conversations will be rather good (speaking from a perspective of a H with a WW). So I cannot say whether it works or does not in the long run all I can say is what I have noticed.

I have a similar experience. My WW was playing along in the reconciliation forced by my MIL until I found out about her secret plot. When I tried very hard to be a good husband, she was instead upset at me. She said everything I was doing was "fake" and it reminded me of what I didn't do in our marriage.

When I pulled back and not pay attention to her for some time, it does seem to bring curiosity out of her. It is interesting because Detachment is diametrically opposite the intuitive advice I got elsewhere.