Sandi's Reflections

[Bfice3]

Sandi,

Thank you so very much for taking the time, and having the heart to share with us all your experience, strength, and hope! As many others have said, I painfully read through your posts and was haunted by a vision of myself and of my WW and our MR.

I particularly like how you write about the three various aspects of resentment, disrespect, and rebellion. This was very much an exact description of my WW.

The hard part was reading about my own 'cowardice'.

But, just today I was having a phone conversation with a good friend and he said some things to me that I want to believe but I'm not sure how to 'think' about it. So, first let me say that: 1.) I accept that my actions are the only thing I have control over. And also that I am responsible, and I accept my own role in becoming a man that was no longer desirable for my WW. 2.) I also recognize that 'blame' doesn't do any good, and I'm not looking to point fingers at anyone except myself; however, for my own sanity I feel that a full understanding of all sides of an issue is paramount whenever possible.

That being said...here's the question:

What 'should' be the response of a wife in a loving MR with a 'nice-guy type' husband when she sees him devolving into this person that she detests? What is her responsibility? Obviously this can be different in each MR...but couldn't a loving spouse elicit or respond to a husband in such a way as to foster change without having to go through this wayward nonsense? I mean, this just seems like such a shallow, empty, self-serving action this woman is taking...and we are all supposed to just say its okay because, "that's how women are?"

I mean, I get it. Like I said above, I accept my role in this fiasco. I know that I have been this 'coward'. I'm learning, just this week, to say that in fact, I've always been cowardly. And, for me, the only thing I can do is stand up and live my life moving forward in such a way as to become the best me I can be.

But...doesn't the WW share some responsibility? Perhaps not. Or at least, if she does, it shouldn't matter to me, because she has had my balls in a jar for the last 15 years. I just can't help but feel that what my WW has done is easily the most hurtful and disrespectful thing I could possibly imagine.

Anyway. I'm sure I'm setting myself up to be pounded on for focusing on the wrong thing.

Thank you again for sharing, and for any responses.