I've been wanting to give her Mother a copy of DR so she'd understand what happened to her daughter. (her parents are freaking out) Then I considered asking her to give one to the W. I doubt that would be perceived by her as pursuing coming from her Mother - but who knows. Maybe just see if that's the natural course it runs?
We advise people not to give the book to the WAW/MLC. That book is like your football play book that you would not show the other team. She would not be receptive to it, and it would not fix her. She will not be receptive to any marriage material right now. That doesn't mean she won't stumble onto something later. If she thinks it is coming indirectly from you, she won't be near as receptive to it.
As for your 180's, GAL, etc., don't think for a minute that word does not get back to her about the man she set free.
Thirty years is a long time. Believe it or not, you are not the first one to go through this after these many years. In fact, we are seeing more and more of 25-30 year M's hit with the same problems.
I had been M even longer than that when I had my crisis. At first, I thought I was having a MLC. The signs are very similar to the wayward spouse. Anyway, it was a crisis.....whatever label one might place on it. It is horrible for the one going through it and for the spouse of that person. Frankly, I doubt I would have made a very good LBS.
There are some great people in the MLC section on the board, if you decide you want to read some of their threads.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
