I know that this mood probably won't last since I have had moments of calm and felt resolve, only to fall apart again the next day, but I hope it holds. I think I understand the term "irreconcilable differences". The more I talk to me WS, the more I remember our life together before the EA, the more I see that we don't see eye to eye on anything, especially healthy boundaries regarding a relationship.

I as myself, "what am I holding onto?". Why would I want this person in my life? Am I just afraid of loss, of my life turning upside down? Could I be content with only having 10 percent of our lives "happy"?

Right now the plan it to move forward with separation and get her away from me. Perhaps we will find we still have something, or perhaps it will begin the healing process and I will wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21
M:12 BD:1/15
In-house Separation 2/15
DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15
Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16
Reconciliation 1/17
Obviously still struggling