I'm not ready to file yet. I'm just not there emotionally yet. I know I'm not at that point. And I know I can't resort to an ultimatum if there's no teeth to it. That's why I'm going to try to get back to myself for a bit, live in my skin and enjoy the feel of the air passing over me.
I'm not sure what will bring my wife out of the fog, but I'm not going to concern myself with that right now. I know myself and I know that all I'd do is obsess over what actions could have the best effect. And I'd lose myself in the process. It took me long enough to realize that parts of me were missing. I'm sure as hell not going back to being a partial copy of what I want to be.
I totally understand. These things come to each of us in our own time. At this time in my situation I also wasn't ready. Considering this you have to not allow yourself to get pulled back in just to get crushed again. That's too damaging. I'm fully convinced I won't live near as long as I would have before all this went down. Although I'm happy today, my W's MLC and the nightmarish sh*tstorm that followed has left me permanently scarred and weaker mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you want to live to be 100, and I did, then you need to be healthy in all those areas and I think I'm as healthy as I can be but I also think it left me permanently damaged.
I would spare you that if I could. If you're not ready then stick to the 180 plan. The "ebbs and flows" of which you speak will leave you a shell of your former self. Please don't let that happen. As long as she's in the fog, don't let yourself get sucked back in. If she's not remorseful (and I mean almost suicidal remorseful) and hasn't cut all contact with OM and doesn't sound more like her old sane self then she's still in the fog and you need to keep your distance for your own protection. Her thinking she can be over an A but still keep in contact with the person means she's still eyebrows deep in the fog. Beware.
