Ghost Busting Round Six - it's about me

[ATPeace]

Still living at home with the w still not been to mediation I am not in any hurry to push for that although more and more it feels like I am just delaying the inevitable

She still wants to be in separate houses and has not changed her stance since bomb date I thought over time she might see things differently

Her best friend has also seporated from her partner husband and is about 6 months ahead of my W and I and she is getting lots of positive encouragement to stick with her decision.

I have been working on me I hav been going to the gym and have joined a small personal trainer I have signed up to a 6 month program and I feel very motivated to loose 3 or 4 stone I plan to transform my body I am trying to take the focus off my w however I still cannot imagine life deleted without her ...I know I know she has already left the marrage it is just incredibly difficult seeing her every day in the house I do not believe that the dynamics of my situation is going to change until we are in separate houses and even then things may not change

I find myself going over a lot of the same things having many of the same thoughts I do not believe that this is fair on my children and over the last eight months I have had a good chance to look at myself and reflect upon the things that I have done and I except my part in the final year of our marriage my wife however does not believe any of this is her fault

Sandis I still do not fully understand if my wife is wayward or just a walk away wife I know she blames me for being controlling and abusive she told me on one of our conversations that all she ever wanted was a quality and for me to be an equal in the marriage I know I let her down there

I want to reason with her and I keep trying to tell myself that there is a chance I have still got such a lot of work to do on myself and Detaching from the situation I do not know how long it will take for me to get over my wife she says she has been unhappy for a number of years I do not believe I will be over my wife in two or three years