Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.
It's been said many times on this BB. That's because it's wise advice.
My H said he would never love me again, never feel anything but cold for me. Now he has changed his tune.
Don't make a big deal out of it, it will only create friction later when he has to change his mind and make it 'your' (shared) computer. The more you point out as inconsistent, the more work he has to do to save face later.
Hi nitaf: well lets see. . .regarding my ex and the bb. Exh is not very good on the computer and we had a very bad experience with his brother and internet dating (what a mess!) so he only goes on to see auction cars and porn--what a combo, actually, he looked at porn the first year we were d, but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't believe in the chat rooms or boards like this so that's out for me. So I don't bring it up but if he did, I would tell him about this board for sure.A little mystery is good. You said that he is always initating ML, well how about not being in the mood for a couple of times. Not in a row, but every so often just say no, not in the mood, or hey I got it, you are sore from tennis, maybe he would just initate a massage. Even though you probably in the mood, there is more to your r with him besides the sex. You said that he has done nothing yet, same ole, same ole, it takes two to work on this relationship. This goes back to the holding you more accountable. The past is the past, you both made mistakes now forgive and work on our marriage. He probably is comfortable now; cooking washing, etc. did he ever do these things before. My ex never did and now he realizes everything I did for him. Working on yourself like tennis, he will notice changes and eventually they will stick it just takes time and patience. Why did you both have A. I think you need to look at why that happened so that you can correct that so that it doesn't happen again. I think he still speaks with your family to show that he wants everything to remain the same that he still wants to be in the family. Since day one, I have always spoke to my ex mother in law like I am still married to her son. I still love her and she was part of my family for 20 yrs, plus I wanted them to know that yes, I made a big mistake, but here I am willing to forgive myself for my past mistakes and show them that I love them and that by talking to her, she knows that I still love her son. His father, well, different story, but I still say hi when I see him and try to initate conversation. Don't be to hard on yourself or sensitive at what he always says. Sometimes you have to take things with a grain of salt and that they really don't mean anything at all.
Oh, to answer your question, I was with my OM for three years. When I said going home to watch t.v. I meant, when I dropped off my d, I would say well, time to go do the laundry or I'm tired, I'm going back to my place to take a nap, etc.just to let him know that I'm home alone without being too obivious. hope is helps!
Lots of good advice to you! But, how old is your H?
He sounds confused, and maybe feels he can't trust you. They always forget that they did something wrong.
Actually there are many positive steps here, you are just like the rest of us; we want it yesterday! LOL
Learn to have patience and learn to "wait this out". He is coming towards you step by step.
As for the , as long as it doesn't totally turn you off, go for it, everyone needs a little spice in there lives.
Why doesn't he commit to coming home? The same reason all of them don't, guilty feelings, wondering if it will work, if you can forgive. I agree, don't pursue, let him lead. Don't answer every call, do a 180. It's about rebuilding a new R not trying to fix the old one. So build a friendship, work on you, and give your H space. Don't press him to come home, let it be when he is ready!
They ALL cry wolf (divorce) it is not what they really mean. My H thought we should D and when it came down to it, he didn't counter file!
I see MANY good things here! How is your communication? ASk for what you want and don't beat the bush to death. Maybe a date, a picnic tell him lets be friends.
This didn't happen overnight, so don't expect things to be fixed overnight.
Got the DR book? Get busy reading, over and over! Detach from his drama and stay upbeat and friendly!
My husband was leaving on Sunday and I rubbed his back and said enjoy the rest of your day and he said I'll try but I will probably sleep it away. Was he trying to let me know that he is not doing much when he is not w/us?
Thanks for your advice. He is 32. He once told me taht he would never trust me again. Go figur after I already know about his A? He also said he would never be intimate w/me again but that sure has changed.
, as long as it doesn't totally turn you off, go for it, everyone needs a little spice in there lives.
Not much help, I know..just being a smart a**.