Struggling

[- MB -]

Brad,
I'm sorrry that you've been having a hard time. I hope you're feeling better now. If it was my post that upset you, then I'm truly sorry. It upset me when I wrote it, and I thought it wouldn't bother me so much to talk about it. I guess when something happens, it's just one event, but when you're writing about several of them and telling everyone how your life has been, it's hard to reflect on everything all at once and not be affected. I really am sorry if my post contributed to your bad day though. And, then to find out that your W is on dating websites, that's got to be hard.

I used to say I felt bullied or walking on eggshells, I've had the silent treatment for days, had hot coffee thrown on me and spat on, locked out of the house

All of those things are abusive. The silent treatment, coffee, being spat on, and being locked out are all either physical or emotional abuse. The feeling like you have to walk on eggshells happens after you've been abused. You're trying to not make her mad because you don't want her to do anything else to hurt you. It's sad that someone thinks they have he right to treat another person this way. I really hate that you have had to go through that. You didn't deserve it. No one does. Your W needs help to figure out why she thinks she has the right to do that to someone. Like you, I also feel like damaged goods. I just keep reminding myself that my H did those things to me because of HIS problems. It was about him, not about me. The same goes for you. I'm glad you're in counseling to work through everything. Hopefully your IC will help you realize that you didn't do anything to deserve that treatment, your W has problems and it was all about her problems, it had nothing to do with you. You are a caring, compassionate, loving, wonderful man and you deserve to have someone in your life that appreciates those things about you. Keep your head up, you will get through this and will find the happiness that you deserve.