Julie, I just want to say I understand what you're going through. I really do. The only reason why I didnt post about these experiences is that I came to this board after I was D. In fact, I can post your sitch into my thread almost word for word and change just a few details.

I recognise my ex in your H. I recognise my fears and emotions in you. But you are so much wiser and calmer than me. And you have the help of this board. And you're still working on your M. You have a chance of winning this.

Both times we tried to R, it was H that decided to R. But even then, he was vacillating. I am terrible in limbo and I pushed and pushed for an answer. I was also wary that he was making use of me to drop the restraining order. We were suspicious of each other for financial reasons too.

Your H is like my ex. They are suspicious and they don't want to be pressured. So really, dont push.

I understand your fear. Get professional help to allay your fears and don't talk to your H about topics that will trigger the both of you.

If you feel like you need to vent, it's good to do like what you're doing now and vent here.

((Julie))

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.