I've been here more than once. I'm back again. This relationship with my wife has never been easy. It's been filled with breakups since we started dating about 10+ years ago. Long story short of the current go-round...
She was strongly considering leaving back in November. Our therapist tasked us with defining how our lives would look if we separated. I didn't do the task since I didn't want to think about it. She didn't do it saying it was too hard and she'd rather work on the relationship.
Less than a week ago she told me she should have done the task then rather than taking the easy road. She says we wouldn't be together if it weren't for the kids (1.5, 4). She said it isn't fair for either of us if she stays in this relationship. She said she knows what I need in a relationship and doesn't care and doesn't want to give it to me (my love language). I sat quietly taking this information in. I felt myself getting very angry and told her so and left for the evening. Despite seeing each other every day (still living together), we haven't talked about it since. We are pleasant to each other's faces and overly engaged with the kids. Other than that she avoids me.
I've been spending the last handful of days thinking about the ways I went wrong again. Too stressed, too angry, too short, etc, etc. I keep falling back on these ways. Looking back, she had pointed it out too, but I was too consumed in myself to realize the severity of her comments.
I called my MD and upped my anxiety meds the next day.
I've been nothing but kind to her since this news. I tried hard to validate. I follow Sandy's tips. Dress nice, be positive, etc. I've learned to mostly compartmentalize my life. While my marriage is not good, I'm still able to function and focus on the good parts (work, kids).
However, I can't help but feel that my niceness is being taken advantage of. She's going out frequently, knowing I'll watch the kids. She seems very checked out more so than ever before. I don't feel like she's wavering on her decision like she's done in the past. It feels more real.
There's also a part of me that feels it's about time to get off this roller-coaster. I'm just at a loss as to how things would look with the kids, home, schools, etc.
This will be my thread... any tips, suggestions, and words of encouragement are more than welcome.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
