It's amazing to me how diffent people can perceive things completely differently.
Remember this... Your wife's perception of you is very real to her. As is your perception of her. Both of you are valid.
I think the key is to work on you and the things you did to mess the marriage up. Not point the finger at W. Sure, I bet she's a pain in the a$$. But the only way something will change is if one of you throws your gun down FIRST. Don't keep score and only put in so much effort because your wife doesn't seem to be doing anything.
You'll need to INSPIRE her to want to change. Do this by not interrupting her when she tells the counselor how horrible you are. I know it's hard to sit there and listen to someone verbally annihilate you, but just listen. It will be one of the hardest things you'll ever do.
Everything your W will say about you will sound completely fabricated and exagerrated but they are her FEELINGS. And her feelings are valid.
If you can do this, I think you will set the tone for your therapy. But YOU will need to tip over the first dominoe. It might take her a while to follow suit but that's ok. Let her vent.
