I think this is an important statement, and if you can create a life that is actually okay, despite not having your W in it - that's key. I remember realising that I HAD to rebuild my life, because if H and I got back together from a place of brokenness on my part, there would always have been that fear that I couldn't make it on my own. Fear of losing him again and what might happen to me if I did? Truly, I have missed my H a lot over the past 18 months. However, I have come to realise that a lot of the 'missing' was pretty codependent, and I've been working on that.
I have to say, recently I miss him less - and I feel I'm reaching that point where it would be my commitment to the marriage that keeps me standing more than my love for him. I don't particularly have loving feelings towards him just now. Things have been pretty much razed to the ground in our sitch. But I do know some things - my life will be fine, I will be fine - regardless of whichever ultimate way things go. In fact, I have more confidence I would be fine alone, than that I would be fine if we were together. I worry now whether I could thrive in a R with him - but I also try to accept I could come to feel different in time if something changed from his end....
Anyway, sorry to ramble on & glad you've got to the point you have. Much better than feeling your life is OVER because she isn't currently in it.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
