Thornton, I feel better. Definitely stronger. I didn't really ask many questions of her, but she sure liked to hear herself talk. I feel like I have more clarity about H and his choices. Clearly I am not one of them! I feel like I have been shoved right into the angry stage and I am angry about many things that have to do with THEM. I must admit that I like this stage much better! Instead of feeling weak and pitiful, I feel stronger and less willing to let him continue to hurt me and treat me like the dirt on the bottom of his shoes.
I was REALLY happy when I thought she was just going home mad. It definitely deflated me a bit when she didn't leave. I can't believe after all I told her, that she just went back over there and climbed right back in bed with him. Sigh......
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Yes! I love when I feel the anger too. It feels so much better than the despair. When I get angry, I try to hold on to it for dear life because I hate the anxiety and depression.
I think I'll give H and OW relationship a 5% chance that it will succeed, and that's generous.
An IC I was seeing a long while ago told me it was unhealthy for me to take pleasure that the OM's life had fallen apart. I fixed that by not going to the IC anymore. I am thrilled that his life is in the crapper. That he's a 40-something year old man that has to live with his elderly mother. That his career crashed and burned. I couldn't be happier about it and if it makes me happy then it's a good thing. Don't feel bad about not feeling bad for her. If it brings you some happiness in this dark time in your life then it's a good thing.
Mb, to me the reason she was so chatty and open is her nervousness, she probably felt the need to keep talking to make things make sense to her, to tell you how great it is out loud so she could believe it herself by seeing if you were brought down by it. Essentially propping herself up on you.
Eventually she will stop questioning what you told her and see him for who he is. Don't be angry at her, it's a waste of your energy. Don't think about her actions, also a waste. Personally I fear for her just a little because if she sticks around she will inevitably go through what you endured. And in my opinion no one should be treated in that way.
If you feel like you are in the angry stage remember to not let it consume you, use it as a fuel to better yourself. Last night I was angry, I turned that anger into energy and worked out in my living room for about half an hour. The anger was gone, and I used it constructively to better myself.
You are making amazing progress, and so is NYGal, and though we can't pull her into her next step like you mentioned we can be here to support each other when the trigger happens and we can take a step forward.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I think I'll give H and OW relationship a 5% chance that it will succeed, and that's generous.
Well, after talking with ow, I can honestly say that their relationship will not work out. I would give it about a 0% chance to work. He is way too controlling, and she is NOT the kind to be controlled! They're already having power struggles over it and they're only 4 months in.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
An IC I was seeing a long while ago told me it was unhealthy for me to take pleasure that the OM's life had fallen apart. I fixed that by not going to the IC anymore.
LOL! Sounds like a heck of a plan.
Originally Posted By: TxHubby
Don't feel bad about not feeling bad for her. If it brings you some happiness in this dark time in your life then it's a good thing.
Okay, when I said that I was glad that she was just going to go home mad, I didn't make myself very clear. It really had nothing to do with HER. I was glad is because I was having an incredibly hard week leading up to Valentine's Day and trying to deal with this stupid A. The reason I was glad was because I had been completely sad, miserable and painfully lonely, andI was thinking that FINALLY my H was going to get to feel this way too. I mean, he is the one causing me to feel all of this, he didn't deserve to have a happy Valentine's Day with ow!!!!! I was just glad that he day had been ruined. Now, don't get me wrong, ow had just been talking to me about my H having sex with her, don't for one second think I was feeling sad for her after she had a fight with MY H.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Mb, to me the reason she was so chatty and open is her nervousness, she probably felt the need to keep talking to make things make sense to her, to tell you how great it is out loud so she could believe it herself by seeing if you were brought down by it. Essentially propping herself up on you.
She must have been incredibly disappointed then. I didn't really get upset when we were talking. I take that back, I did actually tear up twice while I was talking to her. Wasn't about anything she was saying, it was when I was telling her things that he had done. I was doing everything in my power NOT to cry though.
Originally Posted By: Tyler12
Eventually she will stop questioning what you told her and see him for who he is. Don't be angry at her, it's a waste of your energy. Don't think about her actions, also a waste. Personally I fear for her just a little because if she sticks around she will inevitably go through what you endured.
She is already having controll issues with him. When I told her that I had to call and talk to him from the time I left my driveway until I got to work and he heard the sound of the time clock, and again as soon as I left work and drove home...not hanging up until he heard the dog bark. She admitted that he also tries to make her call every morning when she's driving to work and if she doesn't, he calls to find out why.
As far as ow having to go through what I'm going through....she has been sufficiently warned! I told her exactly what he's like. I didn't hold anything back. So, if she continues to walk into this, she has her eyes wide open!
As far as the anger goes, I don't generally like to be angry, but currently, it's one of my favorite feelings!! It is replacing the feelings of hopelessness, despair and loneliness and making me feel less weak and unable to move on. I am hoping to keep the anger around for a little while.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
