Ebbs and flows

[SciDad]

I'm back to posting but I'm not sure what I feel or what I should feel. Someone at my W/Om's work found out about their affair and threatened to go to HR about it. My wife confronted me to ask if I was involved. Of course I wasn't. If I had wanted to go that route I would have done it months ago.

The real problem is that with this new drama OM is contacting my W again. She told me about the initial contact (without me asking), and I voiced my concerns. But then he continued and she tried to hide it. I didn't snoop, but I saw the notification on her phone when she looked (she was next to me on the couch). When I confronted her about it the next day she said it was to protect me, but I told her that secrecy was not the way to protect me - all it did was feed my imagination to come up with scenarios. She agreed, but I don't know if there has been any more contact.

So now I am left feeling all the rage and despair I thought I'd already addressed. I don't trust my wife. She's sneaky and manipulative about OM and the EA, and it's quite possible she will lie to cover her a$$. Are we moving toward piecing? Were we ever? How do I ask without sounding desperate and needy?

Even though I'm fairly certain she wants to move past the OM (She even addressed her time with the OM as her stupid mistake), I'm not sure she knows how. He now has a reason to contact her, and it's setting her spinning. Which then sends me spinning. Do I go back to detaching, maintaining my distance? Or do I provide the support that I think she craves?

I've tried to continue my GAL activities, but my heart isn't in it. I'll reevaluate my feelings, but I think I might need to come up with either a new activity, or some twist to what I'm already doing to make it fresh and new. Right now they feel stale and I'm in a rut.

I hope this feeling passes soon, or that I'm at least able to use it constructively.