Divorce Papers

[TimR]

Sorry Vapo but I am obsessive compulsive. I will always analyze and over analyze every detail. That is something I cannot help. I have done it in my daily life ever since I can remember. Have a practice coming up, night before I think of what I am going to teach the kids. Then go back and look at the problems the kids are having and rerun how will that practice address it. Have a judo tournament coming up, I fight every fight in my head while going to sleep. If they step this way what will I do, if they try this how will I counter. A trial or argument, I analyze every word I will say. Will this phrase alienate anyone. Is this the most powerful way to say this point.

So why I am sure not to contact her first about anything but the kids and I am sure to detach and not just scramble to be at the phone every time she calls or text. I cannot stop analyzing the words that I do hear or read. What I am doing is making sure to do it outside of her presence and not let her see me hung up on what did she mean by this or that. The other thing I am working to make sure I am always the one to end the conversation.

If we are separated and have no contact whatsoever then I am also certain I have no chance of her returning. Having said that, I am not catering to her, I am not holding on and keeping the conversation going. I am also not saving her, if she needs money for a bill she can ask her mom for help, (especially since her mom encouraged her to leave). I understand she needs to feel the consequences of leaving.

I feel like I am following the readings and I am not ignoring you Vapo or arguing, so if I am blowing it please be honest and let me know. I am just saying I am trying to take all the advice, readings, coaching and counseling sessions and then apply it. However, I can't stop my mind from running, that is part of who I am and honestly something I am not willing to change because my obsessive compulsive thinking and over thinking have helped me succeed thus far in my endeavors. While I am working to change the bad things about me I do not want to completely lose myself in the process. BTW I have read and reread and edited this post 4 times be posting :-)