Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[ciluzen]

I agree but just it's like faking it till you make it. GAL.
I think about my journey since BD. yes it feels just like a fog. It is surreal when or if I stop and think about it. My inner voice says ' this is just mental'
I am still in a real state of disbelief that this could of happened and that my W, of all the people in the world I would have put last to have ever done this. But what can I do ? What gives me the absolute best possible chance of recovery and change from the negative to a not so negative and even a positive ? I was genuinely looking at a box of tramodol just over a week ago. A friend threatened to call the police to my address if I didn't answer every half hour. This I know sounds very dramatic and attention seeking. It is not. I had my boys this weekend and it felt like Christmas. it changed so quickly. It has changed back again this week to a negative but I feel strong and this too will pass.
My point is things will and always have changed. Sometimes worse, sometimes better. Your now is not your forever. What ever you feel or think, it will change. All you have to do is figure out what tiny little things help you get through.
Mine is walking the pooch, being mindful of nature, seeing my boys of course, Running, (I hate running but it is good routine discipline to do it) catching a rugby game, painting the house and so on.
there is hardly 5 minutes when I don't think of my boys and what they are upto but if I am honest with myself, I know they are ok, going mental somewhere with cars and light sabres and so on. It hurts but I have to keep moving forward. I have to. Or I won't be the Daddy I want to be. I won't be the person I want to be and that is all I can do for now..

Keefa,

I've been following your posts and this is a very healthy change in tone. You are growing a great attitude and it shows. Yes, there are going to be some really down times ahead; times you'll want to curl up in a ball. But it will pass. Changes happen minute by minute. You are doing great.