I Think it's Way Too Late

[1313]

The abbreviated version (believe it or not!): Married almost 30, no kids. BD 1/11/15 – sort of. I saw an email she received from her lawyer. I also looked at her phone texts that morning and verified the OM, an old classmate she’s been seeing a lot as she’s active in her high school reunion (which get together frequently).

She moved out of the MBR beginning of last year, claiming her back hurt in the big bed. I believed her. 8/15 I got the ILYBINILWY, please move out. I went into denial, and tried to do what I could to get her to come around. She wouldn’t do counseling, then announced she didn’t want to separate, but wanted a D. She finally agreed to counseling, only to go there to say there was no way it would work.

So, on 1/11 when I find out the 2 horrible things, I grabbed clothes and moved in with my elderly early-stage alzheimer’s Mother, who we moved into an investment property down the street.

W is WAW and having MLC – second one. Probably more. I've only been through DR 1.5 times so far. W’s on a huge health kick, lost tons of weight, dieting, exercise, invisalign braces, the whole nine yards.

She’s been the major bread winner the past 8 years, and I’ve been helping her in her real estate career. Enough so that her clients talk about how we work together as a team in the video interviews I’ve done. I do all the marketing, collateral, video, photography, virtual tours, inspections, handy-man stuff, put out signs etc. As she has dietary needs, I’ve also done all the cooking for years.

Lately, everything I do has been wrong. From telling her not to worry about helping in the kitchen (something she now apparently really wanted to do) to me being a total bastard when driving and she won’t get in a car with me (road trips together up to now have been our favorite thing together). I could go on and on, but I can detail this out later on.

The OM is an accountant, so she’s been planning this for a long time. Amazing how they lead a secret life, isn’t it? The MLC IMO came about because of health issues with our parents, as well as losing a lot of near and dear friends recently. Something also snapped when she tried to change brokerages a year ago, and it went horribly wrong. I was on her side and never pushed her to change – but that was the beginning of this whole thing.

Her excuse is that I will never change, that she’ll never be able to retire (she sure won’t now – we’re going to lose everything at pennies on the dollar and the lawyers will pick the bones), I’ve always been awful, it’s always been bad – you’ve heard it all – I’ve seen it here! 30 years of abject terror apparently.

Sex hasn’t been good – it’s been over a year and a half. Lots of reasons for that, which I can detail way too much. It's both our faults - but for her just me. Her parting shot was that I should have come in and ravaged her when she moved out of the bedroom – and I was trying to give her the space I thought she was asking for. She even complained that we didn’t ML on our honeymoon night, forget the night before or after. It was a pretty long, crazy day. I was actually floored she remembered that – because I didn’t, and don’t. I just remember some really great times.

But that’s how it is, right?

Her parents are on my side, which has from what I can tell from her “mirror self” assistant ticked her off. I’ve stolen them away. No, they know she’s lied to them as well, has an OM and is throwing everything away.

My problem now? I’m out of the house, now locked out – her assistant said I moved out because I have a suitcase – and that gives her the right. We are not communicating at all – except when I ask for access to the house to retrieve items. That’s via email. Her assistant lets me in, and harangues me the whole time. She has our dog, and won’t let me see Daisy. Daisy is 12, has a bad heart and this could be her last summer.

Unbeknownst to the W, I have full access to her cloud and email. I have been after all her IT and administrator, own all her domains and email. Luckily, she hasn’t thought about this. I don’t want to snoop, but I do want to see her D strategy, which I have. My very existence enrages her. She wants everything, and is going to lie to get it. My best friend in the world. I thought my soul mate. Since the house is right around the corner, I literally have to close my eyes. Valentine's was rough. I saw that her Niece spent the night to take care of Daisy so she could be with the OM. It really hurts, doesn't it?

An example of how sick she’s become: For Christmas my Mother gave her a pearl necklace, that she had been given for an engagement present from my Step Father. I couldn’t tell my Mother what was going on between us – and at that point still hoped as we had another therapy session planned. W excepted it knowing full well she was filing for D 2 weeks later. My Mother is too much of a lady to ask for it back.

Anyway, I think it’s over. Reading what she says in her statements to the lawyer are heartbreaking. I can’t work up that same amount of rage – and will have to leave it to the lawyers. I’ve had to hire a forensic accountant to try to protect my Trust which she’s going after. Being a loving, trusting husband I had no problems co-signing deeds and homes with her. She even used to say “divorce is not an option”, joking I’d have to sleep sometime. I sort of wish she had killed me in my sleep.

I never hit the “anger” phase, I went straight to depression. I’ve been there a month, a deep, dark hole. I’ve been trying to GAL, however with my Mother starting a rapid downhill slide, it’s getting hard. Especially since she’s funding the lawyer at this point. The W has everything. Possibly even a secret bank account if I read correctly. That would explain how she’s funding the lawyers.

The lawyers are fast-tracking the D, it could all be over by spring. Everything we've built together, the art collection, the home, the furniture - all just stuff. But to erase 30 years - all the memories. Wow. For now all I can do is pray, and try to not go insane. Figuring out how to GAL is going to be a challenge though. More than the average person.

Today, I went out on a bike ride for a couple of hours, and felt better than I have in weeks. It was a beautiful day, 80 degrees. I get back, and my Mother, even though she promised to sit and watch TV (I got her everything she'd need before I left) started moving things (rummaging is a symptom of Alzheimer's), and fell. She scraped the skin off of her arm and hit her head.

I simply cannot leave the house. If I leave for 20 minutes to go to the store something always happens, if I leave for over an hour it’s near catastrophic. The money I would use to get her 24 hour care is now having to be spent on lawyers and accountants – to protect not only what’s mine, but what’s hers. Disgusting. And, a prison of my own making.

Anyway, like I said I can go into much greater detail, this has just skimmed the surface. Post often and briefly and hit 100, right? I'll get my primer from Cadet (I've read them all) and pray somebody has a thread I can grab onto.