[BrightFuture]

I had some extensive text exchange with H all morning. Need to post now, before I get lazy and forget the details (about how I felt, not the texts, as they are recorded on my phone, LOL.) After all, I have a day off today and not doing much, just enjoying myself and a nice weather. Also, trying to catch up on other’s posts while I can.

Today is the day of the month when H transfers money to me for the condo mortgage. Sure enough, I got a text from him telling me that he will be transferring the money and let him know if the number is right. The number is mortgage payment (the “old” payment, not including the new escrow amount), then he deducts the amount he paid for the property tax in Mexico (which I thought he would deduct), plus the amount for XM radio, which is the original amount that I misquoted him (it should be half of that amount.)

My first thought was, does he actually read the info that I send him? So, I reply back with the new mortgage amount, also asking him if he would like me to pay the old amount this time anyway, and telling him that the amount for XM radio is half of that he sent and that it is for the 6 months subscription.

Here is his reply on that: “I’m working on the mortgage thing. I will only pay the old amount. Do you mind if I pay the entire year for XM? I like annual payments. Hard for me to remember to budget weird schedules!” And then I’m like “do I laugh? Or do I tell him to go screw himself?”… I kind of understand it about the mortgage... The new amount is more than $800 higher, and it is still not clear where the money went and why this amount. The XM radio… Poor H, he has a hard time with budgeting, and these “weird” schedules, LOL. I guess I can use this XM radio stuff (by cutting him off the account) to whoop his @ss next time when I want to show him what the real world looks like.

My reply. I said that he can pay XM for the year (I guess I’m a satellite radio company now, LOL), but I cannot promise that I will get the same kind of deal for the following 6 months. I figured that if I don’t like this anymore, I can always refund him the money and tell him to get his own account. Then I said that I think the mortgage company will probably start charging the overdue fees, if the bill is not paid in full and if the escrow issue is not resolved soon, but it is up to him. So, based on that, the number he sent are good with me.

He replied telling me that our mutual friend is helping him with the mortgage and the trust, that the trust fees are $xxx a year and for 7 years it comes to xxxx. And then “I’m not paying late fees. I already paid the correct amount on time since 2008. It will get resolved!”

The good thing is that he is quite optimistic about things getting resolved (big change from a year ago), and not angry, at least not with me. But, that other phrase about him paying the amounts since 2008 kind of p!ssed me off. He’s been only paying the mortgage (by transferring money to me) for the last couple of years. I was paying two mortgages after the BD for more than a year, before he finally was making enough money to pay for the condo. And before the BD, these were both of our money (not mentioning that he was unemployed a lot and I was the main breadwinner.)

So, I almost responded to him in a not very nice way, and also almost told him to go get his own XM account and all other accounts… Then I got my patience shovel... Went for a run at the park… I thought about possible replies and how H would react. I could have left it alone and not reply (so not to disturb a delicate balance of niceness), or I could throw a truth dart… I went with the truth dart. I said “Agree, we did pay the correct amount on time since 2008. I’m glad that it is getting resolved”. The emphasis here was on “we” word. I thought that H might not like this at all. He’s been talking about getting the condo transferred on his name, he wants to claim it as his own… and it IS his place in his mind… And here I am reminding him that it is still a joint property, that we got it together, and that I did pay a lot of money for it. Plus, I think it reminded H how this “I” word was an issue in our marriage sometimes. He used to use “I” instead of “we” in some cases in conversations with people. I politely pointed it out at first, and then it started to be a huge trigger for me, and would give H a piece of my mind. He would normally apologize, saying that he was single for so long that he was used to “I” and not “we”.

Anyway, I was totally expecting the silence and change of behavior (rude) after my reply. Here I am, an evil so-called ex wife, who just cannot “comply” with whatever H is thinking. I sent him another text asking to send me a company file as I need to pay the corporate tax. He answered “ok”. So, I was absolutely sure that he was not happy with my text about the condo.

About an hour later I received this from H: “Ok Bright I just transferred #xxxx to your account. I will let you know if anything changes on the mortgage info.” I guess he went to get his patience shovel too, with the niceness handle attached...

Feel free to give me 2x4s. It probably does look like enabling… Or, maybe having H’s back at the time when he is struggling?.. Will he remember and appreciate this when and if he comes out of the fog? Only time will tell.