[BrightFuture]

2Times2Many, thanks for stopping by. This actually made me think:

to be perfectly honest, on this forum, I think the more boring the better!

This is why I like this forum. I can see different perspective on things.

I’ve been keeping up with your story. I see a lot of similarities. My H was also traveling for work when he delivered BD. The only difference is that he doesn’t come to spend time with me. I think it was his intent right after the BD, when he told me that we could have such arrangements, so he could stay in a guest bedroom here (in my house) and I could stay in another room at the condo. I guess it didn’t quite work like that for him.

You reminded me that I do occasionally deposit the checks for H. Mostly the company checks that arrive at PO box here. I think he has the checks delivered to his location in another state when he is there. But, I think he asks for them to be mailed to PO Box when he is in transition, or living in Mexico during the winter months. He know well that I would deposit them.

I agree that they need to keep some kind of connection. But I also get a little perturbed at myself sometimes that I'm enabling him. Then I remind myself they must complete the journey and doing something that they perceive as standing in the way may not be the best thing to do in the long run. I think we can give them a taste of what life without us is like without completely cutting that connection. I could be totally wrong.

This is what I constantly asking myself too. Am I enabling him, or am I keeping the door open? You expressed it very well. I had a few opinions here about me enabling H. I also read some different opinions on other threads. So, like you said I could also be totally wrong about not forcing H to do his own things and allowing him to have his stuff in my house. For now, just like in your case, his stuff is not really in my way. And I have a spare room and a garage to put that stuff in and not be bothered about it.

I’m pretty happy that I can handle the house things on my own. This is not something I would chose to do, if I had a choice, but at least I can deal with it and can get it done. It requires some research on my part to make sure I’m not taken advantage of, when for H it would come naturally, because he knows a lot more about the home maintenance stuff. But, I’m learning, and I know a lot more now than I knew when H used to handle it.

You also had a lot to deal with in your house. I noticed that the things tend to break at the same time, especially in the older houses.

By the way, great job on not "hearing" the D word during your H's last visit!

Thanks for the hugs .