Your post about how much you do for H got me thinking about what I do. I pay the homeowner's insurance, the car insurance and the property taxes. So far he has promptly reimbursed his share to me. He's here so infrequently (sometimes he's away for 3 months), I look at it as protecting my credit if something should come due when he was not here and it doesn't get paid.
The only thing he has asked me to do that kind of rubbed me the wrong way was to deposit his checks into his account for him. It bugs me that I'm making it easier for him to stay away. But, I remind myself that he does things for me (like let me use his airline miles for the 2 or 3 trips I take each year) and I kind of look at it as a tit for tat kind of thing.
We also own a business together (like you and your h) and I do the books and the payroll. I'd be doing that anyway and it really wouldn't be in my best interest to stop.
He wanted to separate bank accounts about a year ago and we did, but he decided about 6 months ago that it was best if we signed on each others account in case something happened. I agreed and then moved the bulk of my savings to another account that he doesn't sign on.
I agree that they need to keep some kind of connection. But I also get a little perturbed at myself sometimes that I'm enabling him. Then I remind myself they must complete the journey and doing something that they perceive as standing in the way may not be the best thing to do in the long run. I think we can give them a taste of what life without us is like without completely cutting that connection. I could be totally wrong.
I also think that leaving stuff at your place is way of remaining connected. My h has a ton of stuff still here -- tools, family pictures, family heirlooms, even his family's bible. It's not in my way, so I don't fret about it. If he ever follows through on the D he has threatened in the past, I'll make him move all that stuff.
Sorry you had to deal with repairing the roof. Being a single homeowner stinks. Since h started living elsewhere 2 1/2 years ago, I've had to replace the garage door opener, then the spring broke on the door, so more repairs. I had to replace the dishwasher, the garbage disposal, and the coil on the air conditioner. That meant a week in July with no air! I've had repairmen here for the hot water heater, the washer, the alarm system and a broken water main. Yeah ... this old house has become a money pit. (H paid his half for all it.)
The good part of all that is I handled it on my own. For a long time I was very resentful and still feel that way sometimes because it shouldn't all fall on my shoulders. But it sure feels good to know that I CAN handle it when I have to. It's strangely liberating.
Your stuff is not boring and to be perfectly honest, on this forum, I think the more boring the better!
{{{HUGS}}}
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
