My question is since you have live through this, Did I do the right thing? It might be to late now but shoulded I just continue being passive like the DB couch said I don't think my couch realized how deep my wife EA is, she is going by the books that EA only last 9 months it's been two years.
I think some affairs last a long time. Mine lasted longer than nine months. Honestly, it is not about the length of time they last (unless the H is just trying to out wait the affair) but what the H does during and immediately following her A. You see, when her EA stops, your MR will not be automatically healed. The A is an obstacle, but I believe it just evidence of other issues that were in the MR.
By the description of your WW, she is in complete fantasy land. She has this idea that she can keep her nice home, continue with family activities, have the OM, and you and OM will be BFF's............just one happy family. The sooner she is shocked into the reality of this situation, the better for everyone concerned.
My suggestion is not to promise her anything. Get legal advice about where you stand regarding the house, if you can leave........make her leave.......if it will affect anything in the near future, etc. If you can afford one, get a shark lawyer who doesn't pu$$yfoot around and perhaps that will help shake some sense into her. You can't let her take advantage of you in any way, hoping the A will be over soon and you'll get on with life. You have to take charge now.
Do not give her any allowance, unless the court orders you. Do not finance anything for her, unless it is court ordered. I don't think you should have told her she could remain in the home. That is her having her cake and eating it, too. I don't believe your health will tolerate staying with her under the same roof, but like I said, check with a lawyer about what to do. If you have to leave, then leave. You know what you can stand and what you can't. How in the world can live with this WW until your children have finished school? That is unrealistic.
What has she lost, due to her disrespect and EA? How concerned is she of losing you? How concerned do you think she would be with you staying with her while she continues her wayward living?
It sounds to me as if she's calling the shots in the relationship. It's time for the man to take charge of how things will go from this point forward. Stop leaving it up to whatever she says or wants. Be smart and start taking care of you and your kids. Protect your finances!
Btw, do not share information with her. At this time, your business is your business.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
