Hey Azzork, Well I like that you have raised those points but to clarify; My 9 year old is upset that the lengths we went to so that we could communicate and stay in touch has been taken from him (fact) with out good reason (fact) and he does not understand why (fact) Your other two facts I can agree with you. But I dont think you can say that there was a good reason or not at this point. What you are calling "a basic access of communication" seems to be viewed by W as a privilege for your S. Im not saying thats right or wrong. But I would suggest this as something to discuss with your L and maybe W so that everyone can be on the same page. If this is something you did by yourself without discussing with her, it could be seen by her as something of a threat to her parenting abilities.
It is not costing her anything and there is nothing to be gained by denying access to communication with me. Homework questions, general questions and so on. It can all be seen my stbx if she so wished and nothing was hidden. I dont think shes arguing about the contact. But if she says 'no' to something, Im sure S will be on the text coming to you to "come to his rescue" about stuff. Mind reading, but Im guessing that she feels this is undermining her parental skill and possibly ability to parent to have this kind of constant open communication pathway at this age.
She is denying me access by saying if I want to have access I have to go through the courts and solicitors. She knows this takes time. Maybe I missed this, but my impression was that you were separated in home for a while. Where was the push at that time to protect yourself from this kind of situation?
She knows it is half term and by the time I get to court I would have missed the hols. So what will you do to protect this for the next holiday?
I would never presume to 'waltz over' but lets spin this for a sec...When I was at work, she decimated the house, took everything including the boys and moved to another house without giving me the address. What did the lawyers have to say about this? I can see that the stuff is not as big a deal as the kids. How is this legal, exactly?
There are no reasons, drink, drugs, mistress, abuse or so on that she has to do this. ...in your mind. Surely, she has some reasons. Some are probably related to you. Some are probably not.
Lets suppose I turn up after school, pick them up and move into a different house again...I would be doing exactly the same thing as she has but boy oh boy wouldn't it be viewed differently ! This makes me angry. We are BOTH parents. Yeah. I get it. I wouldnt do this. But what does your L suggest?
If I were a deadbeat dad I could sort of understand.
I don't care if she says hello, ignores me or what ever but children watch and learn. If nothing else it is poor manners. I am civil and polite in front of the boys. So should she. Yes. She should. But she isnt. Not much you can do about that. Just let go of your expectations.
All my L seems to do is replay a message from her L about what I should and shouldn't do. ie. I had an instruction to ensure I set the alarm of the house she no longer lives in and to protect the remains of her belongings. I cannot change locks or deny her access. one of many... So, if you dont like this L, why are you with him/her?
Yes of course she has as much right to them as I but as she currently has them 99% of the time, but she has no right to dictate completely what happens. I am a parent too. I'm passed the wanting a family thing. She is not a person I recognise and I do not like her. but I do want to see my boys more than 1 and a half days every 2 weeks. They are 4 miles down the road. it is not unreasonable to want more than that is it ? Of course it's reasonable. But sometimes, this can take time. But your L should be pushing for some kind of agreement. What is the status there?
I just want to be clear that Im on your side. I want whats best for you and your kids. In many of my points above, Im mpore challenging you to be empathetic vs. saying that you are wrong. I hope you understand that!
