Sometimes I think, who are these people that would get involved with a married person?
Then I think, who are these people that would get involved with OP when they are married?
But I always go back to, who are these people that would allow themselves to remain emotionally attached to a married person that would get involved with OP?
No judgment, just the thought process I developed after a lot of spinning. Breath deep and take care MB.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
MB. You did great. Hang in there. Now he knows the crazy follows HIM wherever he goes. And ow will always remember that what you said confirms her suspicions about him. They are doomed. But now is the time to stand firm and hold your head up high. I'm not surprised they both drive by your apt. Do you see how that gives you power? Just like you give him power over your serenity when you check up on him. You're his W and you are not far from his thoughts. Ever. But now you have to decide if you would ever want him back. I envy all the people who say they grew so much and became happy with themselves to such a degree that when X comes back, they've already moved on. I know you want H back just like I want W back. But ultimately maybe we're better than that. We deserve more. True love from someone who would NEVER treat us this way.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
MB. You did great. Hang in there. Now he knows the crazy follows HIM wherever he goes. And ow will always remember that what you said confirms her suspicions about him. They are doomed. But now is the time to stand firm and hold your head up high. I'm not surprised they both drive by your apt. Do you see how that gives you power? Just like you give him power over your serenity when you check up on him. You're his W and you are not far from his thoughts. Ever. But now you have to decide if you would ever want him back. I envy all the people who say they grew so much and became happy with themselves to such a degree that when X comes back, they've already moved on. I know you want H back just like I want W back. But ultimately maybe we're better than that. We deserve more. True love from someone who would NEVER treat us this way.
Okay, WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH NYGAL??? LOL. You don't even sound like the same person that I had to call just a few nights ago to chew on and promise to play a game with you just to keep you from self destructing.
I read your last 3 sentences and I totally LOVE this attitude of yours!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you. You made me smile. Thank you!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB can I suggest that maybe you don't want this man back? Reading over the body of your posts here tells me you're a smart and strong lady. You really can find a wonderful man who treats you like a queen. Loves you, respects you, encourages you to pursue your dreams and supports you when you do. Doesn't isolate you. I know you love your husband. You're a great wife. As much as I am pro-marriage, your situation sounds like it should be YOU that is walking away from this marriage, not him. He's a full-on narcissist. His behavior screams of it. He's also horribly insecure which is why he keeps his women locked away from the world.
What you did with OW was plant the seeds of truth that will now grow. She'll see with her own eyes that you're absolutely right about him. Why he was so angry is because he knows he lies badly to both of you and that you have now compared notes. He knows that a lot of his lies to both of you are now known but he doesn't know which ones. That is going to drive him nuts, and rightly so.
MB, you are so strong and wise. You're a survivor for sure!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
MB. I am sorry you had to go through that. I don't want to imagine OM showing up to chat because I am positive one of us would end up in the hospital. And since I have no shame in fighting dirty I don't believe it would be me. It took an amazing amount of courage and self control from you ( in my eyes) to sit and talk to her. Although In doing so I hope you received some clarity as painful as it may have been. Moved yourself closer to self peace.
it is hard for almost everyone here to stop beating themselves up on what they could have done or what they shouldn't have done. To stop asking themselves what they can do and should t do. In doing so I think it makes it harder to keep going on. The events and actions of the past are exactly that. The past and can not be changed, altered or removed in any way shape or form. So that leaves moving forward and we have to do so for ourselves to make our own lives better, for ourselves not for S.
I like yourself I think have a hard time believing we can be happy without our S, but we can MB. Maybe not today or tomorrow but we will! And I will be here to help as much as I can until we are
Tyler, thanks for taking the time to write me! I don't care to ever see that person again, but I'm not sorry that I talked to her. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do , but I had been wanting to talk to her anyway. I would have never contacted her though. She even commented on that. Said that she and my H were both confused as to why I hadn't contacted her. I told her it was because I wasn't in a relationship with HER. My relationship was with MY H and he's the one I'm mad at. I didn't take my vows with her and she didn't promise to love and be with me forever. That was H. Am I the only one in the world that thinks this way? Now don't get me wrong, I do NOT like her. We will never be friends. The thought of her makes me want to vomit. But, that being said, she is still not the one that I want to take this up with, it's him.
It was so hard to listen to her talk to me about my H like she was an expert on him. Seriously? After 4 months she knows him better than me? And the condescending way she talked to me made me want to smack her. And, telling me how MY life was, like I didn't know what the truth was. UGH! The part that was probably the hardest was listening her brag about how GREAT my H thoughts sex was with her, listening to her brag about all the money he's spending on her and showing me the diamond ring on her left hand, and listening to her tell me that "It''s like I'm you now."
I actually felt good about things when I got out of her truck. I did get some clarity about things and I am glad about that. And, you can ask NYGal.....but this seems to have shoved me right into the angry phase of this mess. I wasn't sure I'd ever make it there, but I did. I must say that I like feeling angry towards him rather than sad and lonely! Now if only NYGal would join you and I over here in angry land!
Tyler, I hope you're right about being happy without them. I'm counting on it! Really hoping that we can all find that soon!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB, you are so strong and wise. You're a survivor for sure!
NYGal, you are every bit as strong and wise as I am, you just haven't figured it out yet. Hopefully I twon't be much longer for you!!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Great job maintaining your composure! I think you definately planted some seeds of doubt in her mind regarding H. There's no way she can be feeling confident about things now.
How are you feeling since that conversation? Do you feel stronger? Anxious?
MB can I suggest that maybe you don't want this man back?
You're a great wife. As much as I am pro-marriage, your situation sounds like it should be YOU that is walking away from this marriage, not him.
LOL, I had to laugh at your first sentence. You just sound like you're asking so politely. And, yes, I have had that thought...that I should be the one leaving him and not the other way around. I just feel so committed to him, I would have never been able to walk away and leave him like that.
Originally Posted By: TxHubby
What you did with OW was plant the seeds of truth that will now grow. She'll see with her own eyes that you're absolutely right about him.
Oh I hope you're right! I may not end up with him, but I sure as heck don't want HER to end up with him. She was wrong, she can NEVER be ME! That position has already been filled.
What really confuses me is why would H not trash me to her? I thought that was pretty standard. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
