Drop the Rope - Part VI

[Zephyr]

Good one!
Thanks Mahhhty!

[roist]

When are the Z fans going to get a little update on Z?

Best wishes

[Zephyr]

Hi guys, had a great weekend for me.

Had a gaming group on friday,

Saturday slept in, went to do some fun shopping with wife at fishing store, to look for ice fishing poles, close-out deals and the like. Went to lunch and the gym. Saturday night we went out dancing with the a local groups of parents. Had a wonderful time out. For to socialize, no pressure for anything more than a good time.

Sunday i went to the shooting range with a buddy. Got home did the homeowrk thing with the boys. Hit the gym. Grocery shopping then came hime watched a good chunk of the super bowl.

A normalish weekend. The meaty stuff :

When at the gym we had a talk about having people over, we rarely ever entertain. I was all for it. Wife said that the first floor bathroom could use some work to make it look a little better, because it never got finished.

We were heading out to the car when her mood changed. She was in a defensive posture asking me what was wrong. I didnt think anything WAS wrong so i said so. When we got in car heading over to grocery store...she was upset basically called me out on 'my mood' and how she should not have to feel guilty for asking for something to be finished. I know i am leaving stuff out here. (Funny but it almost felt like 'nagging' crazy but she hasnt done that for a few years. When she would nag i always got defensive and pissed because of the same old crap, with silent contract not being fulfilled and my expectations not being met, maybe a good time to send her the video ted talks on unmet expectations ).

I have had this sort of interaction earmarked as something to work on for a while...and i muffed it, well sort of i guess. We shall see how things pan out. I did not get a sense of anger from her at all last night. We even spent time together hanging a painting she had won at a fishing thing a few weeks ago.

The key was i had to look at the interaction. I felt legitimate guilt because i had never finished and things had gotten worse over the years since that project should have been completed.

When we got back in the car to go home i took a few moments to share my thoughts on the interaction. I said that i had felt guilt when we were talking about sprucing things up and it clearly showed through. I validsted her position. I apologized for withdrawing, and said to her that if i had made her feel guilty for expressing something that she wanted that just wasnt right, and truely was not my intent. She even said that she wanted to help. It sounded like she thought i was angry when it was me internalizing inadequacy of not getting another project done. I told her i was happy to get that space updated as it needed it. i did have some things to figure out and would be glad to have her help.

She went on and told me she understood all that i have done. Talked about her pulling back with helping out, and me having to take the brunt while she was finishing schools over 2.5 years. All the activities i did with the kids, etc.

So they do see it guys, even if it is not mentioned or recognized . It is there.

Maybe not picture perfect as i am still learning how to openly exprese myself, but it is a good example of how truely transparent we are to our spouse who know us as well as we know ourselves. Maybe it was a little of that and a little bit of her expecting a certain response from me...when she saw somerhing just assumed it was anger and went from there. Needs to be something different from me, not same old withdrawn bitter prick. That is the nugget i need to work on.

So otherwise, wife has been sharing with conversation more and more. Topics have even started to be a tad more personal, nothing deep. It is something of a start.

[Zephyr]

Thank you roiste for checking in on me!!!!

[roist]

Thanks for the update. How are things in general between ye two?

In relation to the specific incident you outlined, I think you handled it really well. You have developed some great R skills on your journey.You probably beat yourself up a little for letting it happen as it was already on your behaviour radar. Regardless you really did well in how you handled the following conversation.That ability will stand to you not just in your M but all other Rs.

I am also glad that your W has acknowledged what you have done during those years. It still probably falls short of what you want, but it was one of your major issues when you got here and she has made a lot of progress on that front. Credit to her.

Have a good weekend

[mahhhty]

Z - keep your chin up! learn adapt grow. Put your best foot forward. You are going to be fine.

[Zephyr]

Thanks for the update. How are things in general between ye two?


Have a good weekend

Had a jam-packet weekend

Friday go to do s10's valentines party at school.

Wife and i went to travis tritt concert down in bloomington. It was accoustuc one man show...was suprised he didnt have his band, but ut was awesome. Tons of hand hilding, lots of laughs and just a great show. We talked abbouy everything under the sun on the 2 hour drive. We found. Nice brewery restraunt for dinner, food was awesome...beer wagood (just tasted - long night after all).

Saturday dripped the boys off at the bus at 700 for conference wrestling meet. Went home gave her valentine card and gift. It was a storage box for her hobby stuff...card was a funny non-sentimental type. She really liked the gift.

We were ready to head out the door to watch thmeet and wife became ill. I went without her...her sitting in a gym for 6 hours was not gonna happen with syimach issue. Boys wrestled well but did not place or anything.

Took boys out to lunch. Was very nice.

Got home and was heading up to prwctice guitar (wanted to screw around with some of the travis tritt music i saw the night before). Had aome presents with a nice card right there...all stuff for guitar. Card had no printed message, wife had written a note paraphrasing how last year has seen ups and downs and some changes (for the good) love mrs. Zeph.

We went out for a nighy hike though the forest preserve. They had big outsoor fireplace to make smores and the trailes were all lined with lanternz along rhe river. It was pretty cool. We grabbed a bite on the way home.

Sunday was all over. I went swimming and played wirh the boys. Wife had practice and went ti the gym separate. We ended up going tonsee movie sunday afternoon.

I woukd say complete weekend. Went to bed and and wife fell asleep with hand on my chest.

_________________

Interactions have been good. We talk a ton more than before. Topic are getting slightly less impersonal...


Physical is still sporadic at best. I swear that if i do any sort of enticeing she withdraws. When she even senses that a situation could be intimate, she uses anger to try to push me away...rather to make me retreat. Not mund reading here this has been watched for years now. Once the pressure is off she becomes more relaxed.

If your wondering about physical - we have not been regular at all. No improvement on that front.

Have to get running.

Thank you for letting me share

[roist]

That has got to be frustrating to have made so much progress and still not have everything click into place.

I was not asking specifically about the physical side of things but that was part of it. Thanks for sharing.

Being in my situation I now place a higher value on handholding and even the hand on chest in bed. When I have those again I will be appreciative.they cannot replace sex but are highly important as can be felt daily. I know you appreciate these things too. Plus it is still progressing positively.

Sounds like a pretty good weekend.

[Zephyr]

Hey mahhhty, thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate it when you guys post...i have done poor kob of getting back to everyone

[roist]

We are used to being neglected by the ones we care about.Haha.