The start of my Happiness 3

[Tyler12]

Well, another day has come and gone. I had another great day with the kids. We played games and built snowmen. Had dance parties and made cookies. They all helped with supper and we are getting ready for bed.

Here's the catch, after W saw us all yesterday and stayed for the little bit to sing happy bday to S1, I wasn't sure what I thought or expected, the problem was I expected something. Every time the boys have been here she has always texted to see how they are doing fairly early in the morning. Today nothing until bed time for the young 2. It bothered me because it means to me she was preoccupied with something else. And being v day it bothers me more.

S3 wanted to talk to her before bed so he did. He still talks on speaker phone cause he feels like he has to look at phone and he doesn't hold it to his ear right yet. She was either at a party or like she claimed. Watching frozen.... Either way she sounded drunk and when he asked if she was in bed too she said no. After the movie WE will go to bed.

I caught that possible slip of the tongue right away and it didn't really hurt, it didn't surprise me, it didn't even anger me. It's also possible I am reading into everything too much, the point is what I feel is disgust.

Disgust with myself for hanging onto this. For shedding so many tears over this. For having this distorted vision that things will be back to a family someday. Disgust that I want to be with someone and love someone, have that someone love me back that would walk away from a family, tear apart 4 children's world all for a selfish, entitled feeling of their own happiness. Which she couldn't even do on her own.

I feel stupid for holding out hope for someone that would do this to another person. Zues nailed it on the head today when he wrote this.

Sometimes I think, who are these people that would get involved with a married person?

Then I think, who are these people that would get involved with OP when they are married?

But I always go back to, who are these people that would allow themselves to remain emotionally attached to a married person that would get involved with OP?

Tomorrow is another day, a day for me and my kids, a day to get up live my life because I am tired of being tangled up and held down by this rope, time to drop it and walk away