New night(s)

[kyrie]

Whew. Yeah. Had a long discussion Friday night. He insisted that I seek professional care for my issues. I said, actually I have(this may have been a tactical error!). So of course he wanted to know more. I hedged and deflected. I said I need to apologize because I know I've been gyrating between 2 modes of thought and action and it has me confused and tangled up and I know it affects things. It's something that bothers me when you do it, so I really need to stop and hope to do that soon. That got him all curious and he pressed for me to spill who I spoken to. I refuse. He started guessing (which was kinda laughable), but then he shifted that I must have spoken to a lawyer & he needs to get one now too. I pointed out that he already spoke to a L. He said speaking to one isn't the same as hiring one. I said it's not a lawyer.
He did acknowledge that at least I was communicating in a good way *up to the point about not telling who I spoke with*. Then he turned on the manipulation game and said that proves I'm obstinate and unrepentant (as always) about obeying his request for that info. I said there are reasons why and I look forward to when we can talk about things in a safe way (a quote from the DB coach).
Well that wasn't good enough. This weekend he went to OR to preach at the mission church there. He loves going there - they like him, he feels good doing that and then he's free to take all his masks off & go to the nudie bars, etc.
There's more but that's the brief update.
But...Sunday morning he calls and said I shouldn't take communion at church today because I'm so unrepentant and disobedient. See 1 Corinthians 11:28 for the biblical understanding about going to communion. This confused me...and I said sometimes there's a reasonable explanation that just has to wait. Should I ask the Bishop (since he'd be communing me)? He said that was up to me, but that I should look to him as my pastor, not the Bishop. So much manipulation. It's not a sin to not partake of communion...so it's true better safe than sorry. I did talk to the Bishop (who still has not spoken to H). He said, it's not anything he was aware of so there's no church discipline involved. If my conscience says not to, then don't. If I want to be obedient, then my call. But it's not a problem for me to commune. I abstained...again because better safe than sorry. And at least I can say I did obey.
I also asked H what *exactly* he wanted to know. I don't like the sharpshooting game he does with everything - everything must be criticized and picked apart. I told him I spoke to a licensed counselor who believes in marriage, not divorce who is in Colorado (I have no idea). He said clearly he hasn't taught you anything, especially not humility.

I actually am set to talk to the DB coach one more time tomorrow. I sure hope it helps.



How are you Trumpet?