I'm somewhat new here and from viewing a ton of posts, realize that I have not yet invested nearly as much effort as alot of you. I am as intense, I just haven't been at it as long.
My mind keeps going back to the same thought. If WE (men / women) were aware of all of the assistance and methods available to assist us in relationships, would we be where we are? I know that I for one, would probably not be. Personally, I was ignorant to all of the "signals" that I was receiving. You know, the statements that after you read them in a book, you think "they are talking about my wife and I" The lightbulb comes on!
I can't help but think that if these short messages, were more readily presented, alot of us may not be where we are today. Shortly after my W communicated her unhappiness to me, I commented that as we go through our learning years we are tought a multitude of skills. Reading, writting, arithmetic. We escalate to comprehension, composition and calculus, homemaker. From there, we aspire to a career that we give every effort to succeed at. Somewhere, in this time frame we find ultimate happiness with a partner and dive into the most important aspect of life, as wife, husband and parent, with so little training it makes your head spin. It seems that around every corner there is a time, financial or emotional conflict that we have never been "trained" to address.
We sail through our commitment to each other and all of a sudden, I'm typing this thread on a DivorceBusting BB. HOW DID I GET HERE!!! More importantly, WHY!!!!!!
I have immersed myself into uncovering and discovering the HOW and WHY and I believe that I have uncovered the majority of it for my situation. But why did I have to get to this place to figure it out? How many of us would be here, if we were aware of some of the signals and where to go to find the interpretation of these signals?
Meaning, if there was a medium to readily communicate some of these common relationship challenges, how many of us would have recognized the problems and made the adjustments?
By a show of responses, how many viewing this board believe that if a Public Service Message, briefly describing the most common relationship challenges and required skills would help?
I realize that Oprah and Dr. Phil preach these skills alot, but where is the message in primetime. The time when, both partners are available to here it. My W told me that she thought Dr. Phil had a room in our house. She recieved the message that there was a problem, I don't believe she recieved the message of where to go, or what to do to properly address the concern. Dr. Phil spoke to her every morning as she was getting herself and the kids ready for the day. I was already at work. I didn't "hear" the cure.
I don't know, but if D and the aftermath are as devastating as everything I have read,(by my experience, so far it is) I, personally, would support a medium to get the message out there. Is there a Coalition, a Council or an Association that could provide this service? Anyone?
My intent is to try and bump this thought to see if there is anything that can be done. Spare as many couples as possible from getting to where we all are. It is a terrible place.
There are fortunate people who are / were able to recognize these trends and go seek the guidance they required. The rest of us relationship intraverts that are here, had blinders on. We didn't need to be.
Posters, Michelle, Vernetta, any other professionals out there. What can I / we do to promote the proactive communication of the availability of these relationship resources and methods?
Having lived this, I will promote what I have learned and the resources available to anyone that is willing to listen. Maybe a grassroots, mass e-mail by everyone here to friends and family would be adequate. Maybe we all commit to speaking at a church retreat. Maybe send $25.00 to Dr. Phil, and have him do a Prime Time Special. Anyone else?
