REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#4

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Well, an interesting thing happened today. I was at home yesterday trying my best to forget it's Valentine's weekend. I was trying to relax so I took a hot bath. Did not work! Anyway, I got out and got dressed, my hair was pulled up in a ponytail and I had no makeup on because I hadn't planned to go anywhere. I heard a knock at the door. Figured it was someone for my kids. A couple of minutes later my daughter was in my room telling me that I needed to "hurry and look as good as you can in the next 2 minutes." Totally confused, I asked her why. She said there was someone at the door for me. Again, confused....
I couldn't believe it when she told me. I still can't believe it. It was ow at my front door. WTH?!!! I turned around and looked in the mirror. There was NOTHING I could do to fix that in 2 minutes! UGH!! First of all, WHY is she at my apartment? Second of all, why in the world would she need to come with I look like crap??? And Third, WHY IS SHE AT MY APARTMENT????? I started to panic, grabbed my brush, then just layed it down. It really was hopeless. Took a couple of deep breaths, then walked downstairs.

I opened the front door and walked outside because I didn't want her in my apartment. we stood outside and talked for a little bit. She started with "I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you." I just looked at her. Then "And I want you to know that I'm not mad at you." Seriously? Mad at ME? What did I do? I just said "Well that's awfully big of you!" Then she started in with telling me that I left my H alone for FOUR years and hardly ever saw him. She went into my sex life and how we never did that anymore. And, finally told me that my H wanted to move on with his life. Seriously?! I was just standing there listening and thinking of how presumptuous she was to think she had a clue about MY marriage! And, how dare she think that after 4 months, she knows more about my H than I do after 12 years!! I asked her (probably not too nicely) to take her glasses off of her face so I could see her while she was talking to me. She did. Then I corrected her in that I saw my H for HOURS every single day and that she was wrong about the sex because still did that all the time

She started talking about how much SHE loved H and how he's so great. I told her that I love him too and that he's MY HUSBAND and she's basically coming all the way up here to take him away from me. I told her that I can remember when he was great like that to me too. When he used to send ME flowers, take ME places all the time, buy gifts for ME for no reason, always said the sweetest things to ME. I said that I bet he's doing all that for her right now too. She said that he buys her things all the time. UGH! She lifted her hand and showed me the ring that he had given her. It was gold with small diamonds around the band and a larger diamond in the center. She had it on her left ring finger. I told her that he had give me a ring for Christmas. I did tell her that he's not the romantic or nice person that he's trying to convince her that he is. She told me that she was only getting H's side of the story and that she didn't know what to believe any more so she wanted to talk to me so she could figure things out. After a few more questions I told her that I was sure there were 2 girls on the other side of the door that were listening to every word we were saying (they were!) and that we needed to go somewhere else to talk. I asked her what she was driving. She showed me her truck so I walked over to it and told her she was driving. I'm sure she must have thought I was nuts! She tried to tell me that she wasn't a crazy person and that I would be safe with her. I told her that at this point I really didn't care anyway.

We drove just a few blocks away and sat in the Dollar General parking lot. We were there for about an hour and a half and talked. I told her that I figured H would be down there visiting her this weekend. She said that he wanted her to come here. Said she was supposed to be here last night, but she had plans to go out with her friends. Apparently, H didn't like that very much. Well, gee, he is controlling and all! I commented on how much H must have liked that. She admitted that he "seems to be" trying to isolate her from her friends. She said it like she wasn't quite sure that was his intention. I actually laughed. I assured her that if she stayed with him, it would require not only giving up her friends, but also any coworkers, family, kids, pets, EVERYONE that she has ever known, not to mention Facebook, Internet, email and any online games. I'm not sure she believed me, but eventually she will! She told me that he was at her aunts house ONE time and when he left, her aunt commented on how controlling he is. She asked how she could tell after just having met him. Her aunt said it was because he wouldn't let her out of his sight. The ow already notices that he doesn't like her talking to anyone. She said she went into the store to buy cigarettes and talked to someone in the line. When she got in the car he said "It took you THAT LONG just to get cigarettes?" LOL! I told her yep, and it gets worse. She said every morning when she wakes up, there's a text from him already. That he already tries to get her to call every morning while she drives to work. If she doesn't, he calls her and asks her What's up, or What's wrong. I told her that I also had to call as soon as I left the house and talk to him all the way to work and not hang up until he heard me clock in at the time clock. Then, I had to call as soon as I left work and talk to him while I drove home and he heard the dog bark. I know he did this so I wouldn't be able to stop anywhere and heaven forbid SPEAK to another human being!

He has also started telling her that she is doing things wrong. She commented on something that she cooked, he said she put the wrong ingredients in it because it's not how he would have done it. HE DOESN'T COOK!!! He also corrected her when she mentioned a dish that her family makes, apparently he thought they named it the wrong thing. He has gotten mad and yelled at her a few times already. I told her that he's starting REALLY EARLY on her because he didn't start trying to control and isolate me until right after we got married. That he changed the day that we married. She said that's what he says about ME too. Grrrrr......I did not change!

She did say that he didn't trash me to her. He told her that I'm a really nice person and .................yep, you guessed it.....he loves me, but he's not IN LOVE with me. Apparently they sit and talk about me. I really can't stand the thought of him talking to another woman about ME! Guess that's just one more thing I get to have no say over. So tired of this! He even told her where I live. Why would he do that?? I asked her how she knew, and she said he told her and that they drive by here all the time. WHAT? WHY? She said that she already knew, but she didn't tell him that. Apparently, if she goes to his house unannounced and he's not home, she drives by here looking for him. I guess everyone drives by my house and I sit here clueless!

She asked me why I moved out. I told her it was because he was mean to me, always picked fights with me, was controlling, and that I couldn't even take a breath without him telling me that I was doing it wrong and that I needed to have some peace in my life. I told her that it was never my intention to NOT be married to him or for me to be away for so long.

I asked her about Christmas. Remember that we were back together from Dec 20 to Jan1st. He told me that he called and talked to her on the 20th broke things off with her, then she kept texting him but he never responded. What she said was that he called on the 20th and told her that his dad was back in the hospital and not doing well. That he needed to go there and take some time to work some things out for him. Then, she said "Do you have any idea how hard it was to not hear from him for 12 days? It's like he just dropped off the face of the Earth." I just looked at her. I mean really? 12 whole days!??? I said " Do you have any idea how hard it is when someone isolates you from everyone you have ever spoken to to in your life, and dosn't speak to you for over 4 months?" Yea, I'm sure those 12 days must have been just awful for her. On the night of the 1st, when he dumped me again, and she showed up....I asked her what he was saying to her when he was talking to her. He told ME that he was mad at her and told her she had really bad timing. I guess technically he didn't LIE to me. He did tell her that. She said that he was mad because she showed up and ruined his PLAN and he told her "You have really bad timing, she was just about to leave. If you had waited just one more day everything would have been fine." It really hurt to hear that he was PLANNING to dump me all along. It was never his intention to break up with her, just try me out again for a few days. That just makes me feel like nothing more than a piece of trash that he never had any intention other than throwing me away.

She asked me if we were getting divorced. I told her that we hadn't ever talked about it. Apparently, he tells her that we were already getting divorced before she ever came up here and apparently we talk about it all the time.

I didn't really ask her much, I just answered the questions that she asked of me. I guess I just didn't know if I felt strong enough to hear those answers, so I figured it best not to find out. When she dropped me off at my place, I asked what her plan was now. She said she didn't know if she wanted to drive by there and blow his place up, just drive home, or go over there and just see how it plays out. I guess she opted for the last one. I got a call about 2 hrs later. She sounded upset and I could tell that she was driving. She said that they got into a fight about it and he was furious, yelling and screaming at her about how crazy she was for coming over here. So, she was driving home but wanted to warn me that he was mad at her for coming to my house, and mad at me for talking to her. She suggested I leave and make myself "hard to find" for tonight. I was already going over to my sister's house to play cards, so I went ahead and did that. At some point in time I guess she changed her mind and decided to go ahead and spend the weekend with him. Her truck was in his driveway when I came home.

I hate to admit it, but I was actually really happy when she called and said she was driving home. Not happy that she was upset, but happy because HE was upset! I was happy that HE wasn't going to have a great Valentine's weekend. That maybe HE was finally going to get to experience at least one night of pain and heartache. That happiness is gone now. It's a shame they couldn't at least let me have that.